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Completely respect anyone who may be at a different stage of

Completely respect anyone who may be at a different stage of healing. If you are wanting a bit of a change of pace in the day or just a little snippet of a good story I thought I'd share some insight that I was given in the last few days...

My father was cheated on after 25 years of marriage by my mother, she came clean, it's been roughly 10 years since. I asked him a few days ago, did he have any questions for my mother after he found out, he said he asked her "Do you love me?" Then I asked him, "Did you ever trust her?" To which he replied, "Not like the trust your talking about, but I never gave her a doubt in my mind that I was willing to work with her to move on." I asked him how long did it take to really trust her, and he said two years. I then asked, "Did you ever threaten to leave?" He said once when he found out. Then he looked at me and said "You said for better or worse, and no one ever said what the worse was going to be."

I asked him "Do you regret Matt being the father to your grandchildren?" He said, "No, not at all, he is a great father and a good man. He is learning, as we all are. " then he looked at me and told me

"If you are going to give it a shot, give it all of you. You have to love him, LOVE him, his frailties and all. That's what it's all about. If not, you'll drive yourself crazy."

My parents are still married, very happy, and have welcomed six grandchildren since my mother's affair.

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[42815]
May 22

How do you feel about your mother cheating?

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[2495]
May 23

Fair question -

My mother did the best she could, she had four daughters and went through pharmacy school with us....she's been through a lot in her life. She also sacrificed everything for us - her and my father came from lower class families, and were determined to build a better life for us. She was a very diligent mother until our adolescent years. Just wanted to paint a picture of who she is to be fair to her.. She is very affectionately needy and has lots of insecurities, and after it happened she just came clean with my dad right after they got intimate.....but if my parents divorced all of us are now old enough to understand why. They of course had a lot of baggage and scars from one another. Both my parents got closer after it - they had so much to lose so I am happy they are happy with their choice of reconciling.

Mind you, no disrespect to my mother but my issues with her stem a lot further than from her infidelity - that's an entire novel - as devoted as she was, she was extremely harsh towards me, I mean, it was bad..Won't go into the details on this though, just that I have had to do a lot of healing work on my own because of my relationship with my mother.

How it affected how I view my husband's infidelity - not sure it changed much other than now my father is a good source for support because he understands...I think I expect way more from my husband because I put my trust in him and built a life with him. Also, due to the very distant relationship with my own mother, I leaned on my husband more than anyone - we've known each other since we were 12. So if anything my mother's affair made me feel a bit more understanding that good people can have affairs. However, it made me really feel horrible because my own personal relationship with my mother made me heavily reliant on my husband so his betrayal was horrifying to me.

Sorry for the long response lol - if you made it this far - I appreciate the question.

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[42815]
May 23

@Stacey0906 it’s all good.

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