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Boundaries. I've been talking with some people from this gro

outoftheblue72's picture
[20790]

Boundaries. I've been talking with some people from this group and one of my close friends about my stbx and some blurred boundaries. Over the last few weeks, we have been in constant contact because of the house being sold. It has turned into friendly banter and I think I've made him feel too comfortable. As much as I'm concerned for his financial, mental and physical well being, I have to stop trying to make everything ok for him. I've done this our whole lives and I'm doing it again. I have to be selfish (very difficult for me to do). I can be codependent and put his needs before my own. Now that he's going to therapy, I was afraid of upsetting the apple cart by telling him I can't do the daily texting etc. But after speaking with my therapist last night, she recommended maybe looking back at the things he's done to me, just to remind myself that I don't owe him anything. These were his choices that led him to where he is. Cheating on me, lying to me, deceiving me, abandoning me. The other day he asked what I was doing for Thanksgiving. I told him but after I thought, last year you could've cared less what I was doing. I remember texting him Thanksgiving morning saying that I wished he was there with me...no response. I sobbed by myself and then forced myself to get showered and go to my moms. Meanwhile he spent $500 out of our joint account at a food store where she lives and celebrated it with her. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and we always hosted it. Anyway, I just wanted to share with you all...thank you to the friends on here that have tried to tell me I was getting pulled back in...I did finally see it!

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c0nfused1985's picture
[2630]
Dec 4

@outoftheblue72 I hear you. I guess it's just our nature to be nice and express ourselves. We really live by the motto of "treating others the way we want to be treated."

Sometimes I wish I was more hood with it meaning, "treat them the same exact way they treat you..."

I say this in reference to you needing some type of closure with this and speaking to him about your feelings.

I hope you build the courage you need to reach that point. Good luck to you my friend.

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[37555]
Dec 4

Your therapist is right, you don't owe him anything. I feel us betrayed are always looking out for the WS when they don't deserve it.

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outoftheblue72's picture
[20790]
Dec 4

@johnyun20 agreed and I need to stop.

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