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At the 6 month mark since DDay. Many things have improved. M

At the 6 month mark since DDay. Many things have improved. My overall state of mind..not so much. My wife has made many changes in regard to her phone (since that is where the affair happened) She has made many changes in relation to me and how she has handled the infidelity and my reactions, since it happened. I am now at another "roadblock". I have read a lot of situations where the betrayed spouse lacks intimacy with their spouse. I can totally understand why this would be, especially in a physical affair. One situation that I haven't read a whole lot on is the unfaithful spouse being the one that has a problem getting the intimacy back. the week/2 weeks after finding out about my wife's emotional online affair, we were intimate a few times. All of a sudden it stopped. For me, not a whole lot has changed with the intimacy. I never lost or lacked the want or desire to be intimate with her. All she has said is that she is "not ready". I have asked her to explain and all she can say is that since we had such a disconnect for a better part of a year, that she is having a hard time getting it back. This is making it extremely hard to me to make any more progress than I have. It is hard to understand that your wife wants to be with you, loves you, acts virtually the same as before the affair, with the exception of intimacy. I obviously still feel unwanted since she chose to seek out someone else, but not feeling wanted intimately, is making it hard to gain any ground. We kiss every morning when leaving for work, several times in the evening and before bed. Aside from that, very minimal contact. Not sure what the next move is. It is hard to leave many of the triggers and unwanted feelings in the past with this going on. Quite the helpless feeling...

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Dec 10

@Jackson35 my wife... who had sex with the other guy once apparently... at last years work Christmas party, has just on Saturday gone, went to this years Christmas party. So you could say I was triggered. She came home at 3am, and gave me the speech about how there’s nothing to worry about, she loves me etc.

I just seem to be going round in circles. It’s constantly one step forward, two steps back.

She has just stripped so much from me! I feel like nothing anymore, i just don’t feel in general. Like a zombie just gliding through life.

It’s absolutely apparent, it’s definitely not paranoia... she is just not attracted to me like she used to be.

I would accurately say the last 4 or 5 times there has been any sort of intimacy, it has been either because I’m really down, talk about leaving etc, or because I’ve specifically asked for it, told her I have needs, urges, a sex drive.

It really seems she could happily just go forward, never being intimate with me ever again.

I just feel like a live in friend/babysitter/cleaner.

Last weekend she went on a night out, and made a point of putting her wedding rings on for the first time before she went.... made me smile that she wanted to do that.

Later that evening, actually only about an hour after she had left... pictures go up on Facebook, she’s taken them off.

We argued, she said she had given them to her sister to try on, who was out with her.

I txt her sister, sister said no way, they’d never fit me.

So caught her lying again.

All I’ve ever asked for is honesty, and I can’t even get that.

I know deep down she is an absolute compulsive liar, and I really don’t know how long I can go on being with her.

She thinks nothing of just lying to cover up another lie etc.

I think most times, your gut feeling is always right.

My gut feeling is what caught her out the first time, and I have that same gut feeling now, but actually worse!

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@Jambo37 she continues to lie to you. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. It will start affecting your health. Time to put your foot down and make it real for her. Tell her you are done and you wish her well in whatever in the hell she is pursuing. If she says she wants the marriage to work there has to be enormous changes. No lying, she has to be an open book, no more going out without you, no more coming home at 3 am, etc, etc,etc. if she doesn’t want to do all that she is definitely not worth it. Good luck and be strong for YOU.

Dec 10

@Devastatedhusband thank you, I appreciate the advice. I really do. I have two sons... right now I’m at a stage where I want to have Christmas with them, and then just start a fresh on my own. I feel like a doormat with literally zero control. Can’t go on feeling like this for much longer. Thanks again.


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