This week's Brilliant New Topic: Hitting Pause

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As the WS, I encourage everyone to look up Brene Brown. Her

As the WS, I encourage everyone to look up Brene Brown. Her speeches about shame and vulnerability have truly changed my life forever. As I am working on myself to ensure to become the best version of myself and work through my issues that led me to be the WS I must say that I wish I would have watched her speeches and read her books months ago before I did what I did. And I am pretty sure it would have prevented me from going down the wrong path..

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Aug 1

@Kyleah I have dearing greatelt laying here - have not started it yet. I know my bf has it too. Gosh i pray he will see that I am truly putting my all into self reflection and hard work to one day be deserving of him again.. I am doing it for myself. But i would lie if i'd say its just for myself. A part of me really is hoping and praying for my BS to give us a chance to reconcile..
idk if that is selfish wishful thinking of me.. or maybe it is normal?.. idk. But I know I am not just that monster that lied to him. I am also still somehow the person he once loved. nd now only the best parts of her. But i ruined his trust in me..

Leahzan's picture
Aug 1

@-rose2206 I don't know if your boyfriend will appreciate this (my husband didn't), but after I read each chapter I wrote down my thoughts. Sometimes they related to my personal history, other times things related to our relationship. But, overall it was my reflection on what I had just read and how it did or didn't resonate with me. I gave those to him to read after he finished each chapter (I didn't want to taint how he processed it). I honestly don't know if he read those thoughts or not. I know he didn't finish the book. Recently I went down and took them all back for myself.

Anyway, I know if my husband had done the same thing, I would have felt very differently about our chances at reconciliation. Just an idea.

I know you are focused on reconciliation, but know that everything you are doing right now will benefit you and set you up for happiness in the future regardless of his decisions.

Aug 1

@Kyleah Thank You! I may do that! What I have done with other books so far that i read is to outline sentences and paragraphs that speak to me. Some I wrote something on the side. But I like the idea that this way he can read it first without seeing what I outlined.
I still have no idea what is going to happen.. I had dinner with his mom today (he is staying with her) and she told me that he is totally depressed. Can't function.. and I sat there and i did not have words.. he does not want contact. I cant help.. I hate I did this to him and that he is suffering so much :( my hands a tied. I wish he would go to CC with me. I feel like that could help him to reach a decision.. but he does not want any contact at this time. So I must respect that...I really wish I could turn back time and read all these books 8 months ago as I believe they would have opened my eyes to what was happening in our relationship, prior to the affair.


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