a funny thing happened to me on the way to the forum so,

a funny thing happened to me on the way to the forum

so, its almost 2 and a half years past dday (few 8 men in 15 months).
we've gone thru hell and back....and are in a good place and still working on moving forward.

although, there is no one other than my wife to blame for her choices and decisions, there were people around her at the time that encouraged her all along the way.

one was her exBFF who was doing the same thing for who knows how long. in Sept 13, she and my wife went on a moms weekend trip to a state park (they'd done that 2 times each summer for the previous 2 or 3 years) but that year, the exBFF told my wife "there are certain things you don't know about me". and proceeded to tell my wife about the exBFF sexting, texting, emotional affairs, physical affairs...etc. so , in many ways, this exBFF (who is/was toxic to the core), was a huge lynchpin in my wife's undoing.

wife cant had any contact w his exbff since dday.

so last evening, my wife and I go to a concert, and as we ware waiting in line to pickup our tickets, my wife says "oh no"....I think..."what?" ..and look at her...then look ahead, and who is 4 people in front of us in line...yep...the exBFF. Now my wife and I have both talked about what we would each say if we ever ran into her..... and I look and see her...and say "oh f**k!"

and the weirdest thing happened.

for a brief instant, its as if I was looking at a photo hanging on the wall and it suddenly shifted and hung crooked. that is exactly what my experience was when I look ahead in line and saw the exBFF..... it was link a thick black outline was surrounding what I was looking at...a frame if you will, and then I slipped....it went crooked....it was like playing one of those airplane pilot games, and the horizontal line goes crooked before you crash the plane.

that image went away as quickly as it appeared. I thought..."weird...but I don't care that she is here, it will be fine" then I thought..."oh ****...what if my wife decides to go and confront her?"

we held hands tightly, kissed one another, said "we are strong" then we went into the show, grabbed a drink, and I said to my wife " the weirdest thing just happened to me. the world went crooked for a second". My wife said "that's exactly what happened to me as well. it was like things slanted for a second"

when we found a place on the floor to stand and watch the show we look over to our left, and sure enough, there she is ...standing about 15 ft away from us.

and here's the thing.

I FELT NOTHING.
I didn't feel hate
I didn't feel anger
I didn't feel any need to confront her and tell her what a $hitty horrible POS person I think she is.
I didn't feel ANYTHING

no bad emotions
no good emotion

I knew she was there
I knew I was there w my wife and we came to enjoy the show

this is the women who introduced my wife to her first AP...told my wife that AP1 was fun, safe and has a great c0ck. encouraged the whole time, told her the "rules" for cheating on your husband, told my wife that the 3rd AP was a "good first boyfriend for my wife". this is the exBff who came onto me as well during the time my wife (unbeknownst to me) was w AP3. this is the exBFF who tried to get my best friend to "crack" and cheat on his wife w her.... f*cked up stuff

but you know what

none of that mattered last night
I didn't go thru the past
I didn't let any remaining anger come up

I acknowledge that "yes. there she is. yes , that is what happened, it's NOW, not THEN, we have made a lot of progress....and we are here to hear music and enjoy a night out with one another"

and that was exactly what we did

its weird, because earlier this week, I was thinking of the exBFF and how toxic she was, and also thinking of the 8 APs....and was thinking of "wonder what would happened if I ever run into any of these people" ....

and when I do..... it's an absolute NON event

I could take it as a sign of weakness...as a sign that I dont have the strength to confront her....but thats not I feels for me. how it feels, is that ....It was a sign of strength...for me and for my wife

a few months ago, this incident could have...would have...totally shut me down and sent me down into the abyss.....

but not now

and as far as I am concerned

not ever

peace

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Bee4bdn's picture
[42365]
May 19

That's great that you have become Indifferent towards her. It means that you're healing.

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