So in marriage therapy my wife is focused on saying how its

chas188's picture
(7335)

So in marriage therapy my wife is focused on saying how its not only me hurt. I listen try to validate but it feels like she is almost making an excuse for what happened. This is what majes it hard. Granted there are things needing to fix but she says because she did not realize the intensity of blended family. My 15 year olds mom is not the easy to get along with but guys from day one she new this I even shared messages that were sent kept clear boundaries unlike her. Then it was a friend of mine that I've known before my wife she had issue with that yet she invited her to our wedding they too are good friends. Not saying these could not have impact but it often feels like it makes it harder for me to heal when somehow it comes back to her. Am I being unreasonable not completely buying in to this. Not saying flaws dont exists both sides but you continue for 6 years to sleep with someone because you have feekings about things and don't say anything? Its like going to the Dr say fix me but you can't draw my blood. Frustrating. Today for first time I talked to her about possibility of separation. It has only been 1 year 5 months but feel like once in therapy we are like adversaries the only time I feel she takes full owbership is when she is not guarded and trying to even the playing field. How to I we heal repair if im suppose to now look at her side when im still not clear. She's going back 14 years to a friend I got rid of a good friend yet I shoukd not talk about the affair. Need help here

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chas188's picture
(7335)
8 hours ago

@Scat thanks for that this group truly saved me

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chas188's picture
(7335)
8 hours ago

@sunfloweraf very exhausting she def compartmentalized. I think she never distanced herself so I would not find out and what's tricky now is she is avoiding harder discussion but in therapy seems to really want this to work and that's great but because of the mistrust the still lies she told that we're never addressed not enough vulnerability it makes it hard to believe. For the first time in a month or two I was intimate with her more my choice and it felt good I felt connected but I can not tell you how hard it was to stay present my mind was all over the place shamed to say still at times wondering about them this has been by far the hardest trauma to deal with esp staying in same home to deal and with person I now know as mature on paper she seemed shes really not. You know I even wanted to get at AP again. Did not help she texted a comment that AP would not have had a chance if I was still her partner wtf is that I never stopped and she never said hey something wrong here and if that's the case why multiple times smh

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chas188's picture
(7335)
7 hours ago

@devastatedinptbo your last line says it all they do not truly have sense of the damage created or do and do not care

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