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I read quite a few articles about the affair fog. It fits m

I read quite a few articles about the affair fog. It fits my wife's behavior like it was written for her. 7 weeks since i found out about her emotional affair and she has re-written our marriage with a negative lens. She is missing the other guy and constantly comparing how she felt with him versus whether she could feel that for me. My question is, which approach do you think is the best? Love and support (not acceptance of it) or cut her off? Seems that each article picked one over the other and I feel i have to decide , but both are tough choices.

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Aug 14

@brokenwings89 He has always controlled me, even has me feeling like its my fault he turned to the other woman again and again. I just found out a month ago, he started using cocaine regularly and wastes money on it and doesn't come home to sleep sometimes for 2 days in a row. He said he started using it several months ago becuase the stress of his secrets was killing him. He says he did all those things for her, to continue to keep her happy so she would keep her mouth shut about the baby on the way. Do I believe it? I'm very scared, he threatens me constantly, always over money and if i leave this and that. Like he understands why I can't be with him but he scares me out of leaving him. My kids have had it, they don't respect me over this whole situation. But I haven't worked since I was a young girl, right when I started dating him. Mind you, I had my daughter at 18 and he was 20. I am 35 now and feel like 18 years of my life have been robbed. I don't know where to start. WHere do I work? How do I get the strength to get up out of bed and go to work? I am sunken into this horrible depression. It's consuming me, this whole problem.

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Voiceless_screaming's picture
Aug 14

My husband stayed in the fog after I found out and re-created for another year and a half. It took time for him to come out on his own during the affair to see that's not what he wanted. However if I found out I would have end3d thing as I did when I found out. The only thing that saved us is that he already was coming to breaking it off and begging to stay at that point. I believe that as much as the second affair killed me.. he needed it to see that's not who or what he wanted or he would still be attacking me and thinking of her.

brokenwings89's picture
Aug 14

You are in the prime of your life. I would suggest finding a job, any job. Maube you will have to start at the bottom, but I am certain that you will be able to work your way up while gaining the same time your self esteem will be restored and you your heart will heal. Start by rebuilding (or as i see it, re inventing a new chapter in your life). Belueve me, once ypu are back on your feet, you will value yourself again and you will not settle for his behaviour. I am 46 now. Reclaiming my life step by step. Every step makes you stronger. Do not give up on yourself...somewhere in all this you will find that you are an amazingly strong woman. Hugs to you. I am here if you need some support


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