I don't know what to do and feel I need input from others wh

I don't know what to do and feel I need input from others who have experienced it. After 10 years together I have just found out my partner is cheating on me. We have an 8 month old little boy together and I am broken. I can't eat or sleep and all I do is think and cry about what he has done to me and our son. I never thought I would have to go through this. I have spent our entire relationship working to try make it the best it can be. He has spent the last probabky 6 months treating me like he hates me and then I find out he has done this. For a while I had suspicions but he continued to lie until I had proof. Now he tries to beg and plead for me to make things work together but I don't knkw how I ever can trust him again or even be around him. If it wasn't for our son I would have left and never talked to him again but with a child it's not so simple. How do you ever even consider trying to work things out? How do you ever trust anything they do or say again. I feel broken, destroyed and I don't knkw how to even function. Let alone make decisions like this.

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JP1313's picture
Jun 22

Very sorry you're part of this club now. I wish I had any good answers for you. Right now you just remember to breath and take it day by day. This 100% is not your fault, it's not something you did or said. This is all them, so please don't blame yourself or allow him to blame you. Right now and for a while, you need to focus on taking care of yourself. Its been almost a year since I found out (D-Day) about my wife's multiple affairs. We've been together 26 years, and married 23. It's the worst pain ever. It's going to take lots and lots of time to work through. I'm a year out, and I think about it every day. Seems like something triggers me one way or another. Affairs Recovery on YouTube has some great information. The people in this group have amazing advice too. You will survive this, and I promise you will grow from it. As far as making decisions, I'd wait. You're in shock and your emotions will be all over the place. Give yourself some time to think some and process. I highly advise on some counseling for yourself and the marriage. I'm trying to work through this and save my marriage but it is incredibly tough. I believe like building muscle, it can be torn apart and built back bigger and stronger. Hope any of that helps

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Jun 23

Take your time, think things through, and absorb and understand what took place first. Then work on what it will take for you to trust again, if you choose to try. Make sure both of you know that without those things taking place, trust is unlikely. You can't fix another person, they have to feel the remorse and want to fix themselves first. If they put in the effort you might be able to fix things, but don't feel like the problem is for you alone to fix.

As stated above, find and use resources to figure out your best path forward, regardless of which direction it takes you. Every situation is different and unique, and the core bond varies as well. You have to decide if it is worth it to try to fix, or better to move on with life. But either way healing needs to take place, and consideration for the child involved.

Without knowing how recent this discovery has been, just accept that you have to do it at your pace regardless, but that it is rarely quick. Think years instead of months usually to really regain trust. And even then it's often in baby steps as you rebuild.

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