How do/did people handle the first or ongoing marriage anniv

chas188's picture

How do/did people handle the first or ongoing marriage anniversaries after DDAY?. My anniversary is coming up the end of Aug and I am feeling anxious. Its actually making me review our life or the life i thought I had with her and answers she gave that I now know were just all lies for so long even after being caught. I dont feel the marriage was real nor was she so how can my anniversary be? Feels weird sad esp being in the thick of things and trying to work through. I was able to celebrate mothers day and other holidays knowing years previous she also spent cheating but our anniversary is tuff i am resisting the urge to look at Google to see where she was in or around Aug 31 last year. Omg this is making me so angry feels like a love hate emotion and the anniversary day is not even here yet. Guess quiet nap time with the chikdren brings up so many mid day thoughts. Think I'm better and staring down that rabbit hole I go. :(

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Leahzan's picture
Aug 6, 2020

@chas188 One thing that was clear in my situation is that my husband was not willing to fight for our marriage. It became clear that he was indifferent. While I think it was partly a defense mechanism, it was also an indication of how he lived his life and how he was going to live his future life. He wasn't interested in changing himself. I don't actually think he is capable of loving anyone. Loving someone requires vulnerability and that isn't something he was going to do.

You will need time to to figure out what your wife's motives are (she may not even know herself) and also what you need to stay. You don't have to rush it, but the more you become detached the less the two of you can show vulnerability to each other, which I think is critical to develop a loving bond.

And, maybe looking at yourself and determining if you are staying to save your marriage image or because you really love her. I realized I didn't love my husband.

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chas188's picture
Aug 6, 2020

@Kyleah deep and exactky what im going through

beth65's picture
Aug 7, 2020

@chas188 and kyleah I'm thinking he loves who he thought she was. But now she is and has always been a different person than he thought.

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