Hello. I am new here. Live in PA have been married for 26 ye

Hello. I am new here. Live in PA have been married for 26 years and do not love my spouse anymore we have two children one with special needs which is why I stay. Been having an affair for over a year and I love this person but he is married also and will not leave his wife. I have recently ended things with him because it’s just too hard but I am broken. Would love to hear from anyone who has similar issues. Thanks

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Jan 18

@ctraup Of course. I'm sorry you are going through that. Make sure you get plenty of rest.

Leahzan's picture
Jan 18

Ending the relationship provides you an opportunity to really explore who you want to be and what you want in your life. I imagine that it may be hard to grieve this lost relationship when it was most likely a secret to those your are closest too, leaving you alone. I would agree with @devastatedinptbo that relationship based on infidelity aren't real. Yes, the feelings are real, but the experiences aren't real life. They are day to day living, they aren't relationship where the person gets to know the whole you and you get to the know the whole them. It may feel like it because of the intimate conversations and disclosures, but unless you are a part of someone's life, their family, their friends, you aren't really seeing their full person. Your husband should have a decision in whether your relationship continues. If you don't love him anymore, he should be told. No person should unwittingly live in an open marriage they didn't agree to. You say you stay for your special needs child, but the reality is you stay for yourself. Plenty of people have separated/divorced who have special needs children and make it work. So give your husband and yourself the respect of living honestly and authentically. Tell him how you feel and decide together what your path forward is.

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I can't agree more with the sentiments above. It's time to travel a hard, lonely road for a bit while you do some internal housekeeping... You should tell your husband that you no longer love him and decide whether the two of you will end the marriage, or if you will continue to live together as co-parents.

He should also be told about the affair. Best of luck, truly. I hope you and your family find peace.


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