I'm having a hard time deciding how big of a problem this is

I'm having a hard time deciding how big of a problem this is....

As I've posted a few times previously, I think I have a bit of an unhealthy relationship to sex, if not an addiction... I'm 48 and my wife is 40....Now that sex has unfortunately become less frequent in my marriage, I'm struggling with whether my frustration is:
A: a sign that our marriage is struggling due to lack of connection
B: a result of my tendency to place to much importance on sex
C: a result of my tendency to use sex as a barometer for whether she is finding fulfillment elsewhere (she had an affair with her boss about 8 years ago...she still works with him, but she is starting a new job next week)
D: just a normal part of the aging process.... I know that sometimes men can under appreciate how every day life takes a toll on a woman's libido (kids, work, household stuff) etc..... and perhaps I'm just not dealing with it well

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@LifeSupport I've tried. And am still currently trying. There's no doubt that we need counseling. And there are most definitely things that need to change on my end as well as hers.

But I just don't know whether she is really in this any more. We'll see. We've agreed to spend the next few days enjoying the holiday and family, and not really focusing on problems. We're supposed to sit down next week and discuss things.

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constructionjim's picture
(900)
Nov 23

I think you two should start anew. Ask her on a date, and maybe get to know one another again. I would suggest no sex...... romance, but no sex. Then there's no pressure. If it goes well, ask her out again...... after 3 or so dates.... maybe then if your both inclined, sex may be a good thing. Don't be expectant, just go out, have fun and enjoy one another.

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@constructionjim

I've thought about this. I think we should sit down and talk, first to make sure she wants to make things work.

Going forward from that, maybe consider counseling or at least trying to put some time and effort into having some productive conversations about our marriage, but also to plan an equal amount of time having fun together, with sex being off the table for a bit.

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