Newest Blog is out, Support is Necessary!!!
Make sure to click READ MORE to see the full article. -SG or click BLOG on the GREEN menu bar

Halloo! Came upon this page whilst looking for support for a

Halloo! Came upon this page whilst looking for support for a few issues. Not sure where to even begin. Just found out my husband has been unfaithful to me and basically lying to me our entire marriage, all the while turning me away claiming he has a low sex drive (whereas I have an inordinately high one).

The affair was "only" an emotional one, but rather than simply admit that he was unhappy (despite my MANY attempts to talk to him and understand him), he chose to seek solace elsewhere. We have decided to make a go of things and he has cut off all contact with the unwholesome woman (who was a friend of mine as well, go figger).

He, as a recovering alcoholic, has tons of support (including his very own 24-hr/7-day-a-week sponsor) to help him on his difficult journey. Meanwhile, I (the actual offended party) have nothing, no one. As the initial daze of betrayal and bewilderment starts turning into anger and frustration, I'm struggling with reigning in my ire and I need help.

He, whilst claiming to have a low sex drive in general, had been getting his jollies for the last six months, and I, with the admittedly excessively high sex drive, have been cooling my heels striving with every fibre of my being to not avail myself of the many, many temptations that have come my way.

There is no way I can tell him how unsatisfying a sex partner he is, as it would utterly destroy him. I think that his failings in this area are part of what drives him to continually seek external validation via social media, fetish sites, and emotional affairs. No amount of love and support and understanding on my part seem to be enough for him (a pattern that has repeated itself in every relationship he's ever had).

I'd been used to lovers with wonderfully large equipment and inventiveness. He has, literally, a micropenis, and is, in his own words, not very adventurous. He is not into intercourse so sex basically consists of me wanking him off (which can literally take hours), and then him wanking me off (which generally takes all of a few minutes). Even when things are going "well" we only have sex once or twice a month.

I'm sure the weariness in my tone could make one think, well why the bloody hell are you even with this sexually inept and unsatisfying man who can't even be faithful? The fact is, we are so completely compatible and compenetrated in every other way, that I honestly have felt that our love could supercede the sexual differences. I figgered I could basically do without the sex in exchange for all the rest.

So, in a nutshell, I'm trying to reign in my anger and pain to salvage this relationship, which has been extremely rewarding in all areas but the one. Meanwhile, I'm also striving to remain physically faithful but going mad with unfulfilled sexual needs (and that niggling little wish for retaliation, I admit). Help??

show more ⇓
View 63 More Comments
PatMill's picture
Jun 14

Explaining personal preference to the one you love is a very delicate matter. I mean we all have certain tastes when it comes to the opposite sex, but there are boundaries you don't cross when saying it. Would I say **** she's got a nice a$$ or I think she's hot! No. No matter how strong a preson feels about themselves, those sort of comments plays a role in their mind thinking they're not good enough in your eyes. I think the best way to go about the whole situation is to say something like, I think you would look great with brown hair. It needs to be directed in a sense of compliments towards the spouse. For example, If I was to watch a movie or show where she would say oh wow he's so hot. I'm not a weak person, but there is a small part of me that would second guess exactly what she meant from that comment. It may even cause me to wonder, if I changed a certain part of myself will she be more attracted towards me or love me more. I don't think it's due to any form of having self esteem issues. I believe it really comes down to having respect for your partner. Your supposed to make that person feel as if they are the most important person in your life. That's love in my way of thinking. I could be wrong because there are couples that are comfortable towards those issues, but when the time comes when your feeling down and questioning your love, those little comments will come into play in your mind. Just my opinion.

show more ⇓
Saca's picture
Jun 14

@PatMill You couldn't be more correct t. To begin with, the skank ho has dark hair. I told him "I hear ya on the hair colour, dude, but I'll be good and goddemmed if I will EVER be a brunette again. That's out the window for sure; red, Auburn, light golden brown, but dark brown? Fekk you, lol" I mean how insulting is that? And how condescending is the Mani/pedi *****? "Yeah, and let's be sure to get you a Mani/pedi since you never ask for anything for yourself" it's like, he had YEARS to mention the hair colour. He participated EVERY step of the way in the rather lengthy and involved process of going from dark brown to Platinum blonde. He even called me Blondie as if to indicate he liked it. What the actual bloody hell?????? But, seethe and grit teeth though I might, circumstances dictate that I continue eating ***** so that we at least have a roof over our heads. FFS, seriously, idk what I'd do if I couldn't vent here ... Thanks so much for indulging me!

show more ⇓
LikeMinds's picture
Jun 14

Thank you for trusting us enough to let it out!


Login or Register

You are visiting Support Groups as an anonymous user.

Please consider joining our community and gain access to additional features by

registering or logging into your account