This weekend hubby left one of his phones at the house so I

This weekend hubby left one of his phones at the house so I could use it for internet (he has a work and regular cell). He has NEVER done this. His phones are always on him. I didn't snoop. I didn't even think about snooping. It's kinda crazy to me that I was left with it for hours and didn't even feel inclined to look at it. It has his Facebook and emails and everything on it. I feel semi proud of myself. I know I had told him originally that I wanted to have the option to check his phones without fear of judgment from him. As it can help grow trust back....but for me not to check or think about checking seems like such a big step. Right?

It's only been a little over a month since DDay and we seem really good. I think about what he did often, but have decided that it's in the past. That if he does anything like that again I would end it. That even if my heart felt like it would shatter into a million pieces from us parting... That I am strong and able. That I didn't deserve him cheating the first time and I wouldn't then. I don't think he will though (yes, I know there is always that possibility). But he looks at me different now. I see it in his eyes. He was lost, and so was I, but I think we are back.

I'm 38weeks pregnant and I think originally this unexpected bundle was tearing us apart. Just the stress of becoming parents. Something we never wanted. But now, it's different. I came home and he had cleaned the house and organized baby stuff. He cooked dinner for me the other night and didn't roll his eyes when I asked him to rub my feet. I think he understands now that it's been hard on me the last 9+ months. He understands how alone I felt and how much he hurt me. He's trying to be there.

I just hope we keep this going and I can get my confidence back. I still feel a little worthless and less of a woman because of this...but I keep trying to remind myself of all that I am. That his actions do not diminish my worth.

I hope you are all having a good day..

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Jan 10, 2017

@ams87 I wish you nothing but happiness and strength. With that state of mind, you will achieve many things {{{hugs}}}

Jan 10, 2017

@ams87 I agree with your sentiment. I can't live my life in hypervigilance and honestly if my wife isn't going to be faithful then there is a point at which I just have to try and move on. I see that you are feeling less need to snoop at this point. I can see that.

SkSunshine's picture
Jan 10, 2017

I've also had the opportunity to snoop, many many times but I haven't...I would like to though!


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