For better or worst....Reading Chump Lady Leave a Cheater Ga

chas188's picture

For better or worst....Reading Chump Lady Leave a Cheater Gain A Life and happy i read it now because think otherwise would have felt hopeless early on and left ( maybe would not have been worst thing) She makes powerful points most i identify with. Makes me wonder if worth the pain even with my wife doing more work. I often feel like a chump and make excuses for why I should stay. How do you differentiate love from being a chump? Even with my wife seemingly working harder this is a crazy ride often feel easier to give my ticket back . What motivates people to stay and "fix" things?
Its starting to become more about my story ( self care) less about her and that feels so much better as oppose to figuring her out, why it happened, when how. But while i starr to feel more liberated I do still slip and hope she really loves me too and is truly sorry & thats scary. There are parts of her i do love and i do feel reconciliation is possible but wondering if worth the pain or worth a person that put me through this type of trauma. I can eventually forgive not forget but is it worth the suffering for someone that really did  not care about me my feelings or our famiky. How do you stay motivated for better or worst?

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beth65's picture
Oct 18, 2020

What were the things you liked about your wife when you married her? Does she still have any of those qualities? If you two were dating and you found out these things would you continue dating her? With me the answer had been no. If he had pulled the crap he pulled when we were dating, or had I found out he was a totally different person than he had led me to believe, I would have broken up with him instantly.

Pacita4's picture
Oct 19, 2020

This is still new for you. Have you found a therapist to take this out with? It helped me a ton. 2 months into finding everything out I told my husband we have 6 months, if I Am not happy with where things are we are done. He agreed. This is not an easy road at all. I didn’t want to throw way our marriage. At the time we were married for 16 years. We are still together. Still working on things. Dealing with other crazy stuff too right now. But we are both fighting for us. You need to figure out if this is what you want to fight for. Give your self time to grieve over this. You have to say goodbye to your old marriage. That is gone. We are here for you.

chas188's picture
Oct 19, 2020

@Pacita4 I appreciate that and the words. Gotta give myself time

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