I want to say thank you for all the support I got yesterday

Aklady's picture
[5185]

I want to say thank you for all the support I got yesterday from everyone it is greatly appreciated. I never expected things to be this way after being cheated on in my last marriage before my current husband and I married we dated and he was so loving and compassionate towards me and very understanding about what I went through and told me that he would never hurt me to that degree. I honestly believed him. Now he tells me since I have been married this is my third marriage that maybe possibly I should look at myself and my own behavior as to why my marriages didn't work before. . And sadly enough it breaks my heart because my first husband was very physically abusive and inappropriate with girls young girls under 18 so I left him.. my second husband completely devastated me by cheating on me several times and the sad part is I had no idea he was in the military and he would say that he had to do CQ and that of course meant that he had to work from morning until the next morning and I never thought anything of it I completely believed him and in that time he was cheating on me and I had no idea it finally ended eight years later.. but I just think that it is so severely unfair that he uses my past against me any chance he gets and that breaks my heart. He knew what he was doing when he started sexting these women he knew if I found out it would break me into pieces.. and yet he was deleting the messages and hiding them from me and I luckily answered his work phone one day when he had left it at home and found the messages that he did not delete off of his work phone. And then he has the guts to tell me that he did it because of my behavior and how I treat him. I have suggested that he go to counseling because I am currently in counseling sadly our insurance does not pay for marriage counseling but I have started going to counseling trying to cope with all of this and working on my own issues that is all I can do at this point and he thinks that I'm going to counseling and making up lies about him and making him look like the bad guy because I have told him my counselor said I should be allowed to look at his phone and he is very protective over his phone. I don't have a problem with him looking at my phone he does it he just pretends that he doesn't. My counselor told me that we need complete transparency and our marriage and that he is going to have to take the steps to earn back Trust and he doesn't agree with that he thinks that I should forgive him and it's over at that point. But I keep telling him that it still hurts what he did to me and that wound does not heal easily.
I appreciate having support from such a wonderful group y'all have been amazing. Thank you so much!

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Aklady's picture
[5185]
Sep 18

@after28years
He sees it as he's been a great provider. . When he got out of the military he took this job here in Louisiana and we moved here two years ago it'll be 3 this year and he has told me that he did that for me not for him he did it so that I would have health care and be taken care of because whenever I married him I then lost my SSI and my medical when we got married. The way he puts it is he could take a lower-paying job and live off of his VA and not have to worry about anything. But he took this job thinking of me and my needs that's how he puts it.

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[50]
Sep 25

@Aklady
I believe that there is perhaps something else that is happening with your husband and this is just the tip of the iceberg. But only he can want closure and only he can decide to pursue closure. Focus on your mental and emotional well being. You cannot take on your husband's issues. Is there a praying group that you could meet with on a weekly basis? Perhaps you could do some volunteer work somewhere? You need to spend some time on building you up and it is in giving to others that you will become mightily strengthened. God Bless

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Aklady's picture
[5185]
Sep 25

@Therese67
I am looking for a church . I truly need to have some prayers and support.
I truly appreciate your thoughts and kindness.
God bless

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