I want to say thank you for all the support I got yesterday

Aklady's picture
[4955]

I want to say thank you for all the support I got yesterday from everyone it is greatly appreciated. I never expected things to be this way after being cheated on in my last marriage before my current husband and I married we dated and he was so loving and compassionate towards me and very understanding about what I went through and told me that he would never hurt me to that degree. I honestly believed him. Now he tells me since I have been married this is my third marriage that maybe possibly I should look at myself and my own behavior as to why my marriages didn't work before. . And sadly enough it breaks my heart because my first husband was very physically abusive and inappropriate with girls young girls under 18 so I left him.. my second husband completely devastated me by cheating on me several times and the sad part is I had no idea he was in the military and he would say that he had to do CQ and that of course meant that he had to work from morning until the next morning and I never thought anything of it I completely believed him and in that time he was cheating on me and I had no idea it finally ended eight years later.. but I just think that it is so severely unfair that he uses my past against me any chance he gets and that breaks my heart. He knew what he was doing when he started sexting these women he knew if I found out it would break me into pieces.. and yet he was deleting the messages and hiding them from me and I luckily answered his work phone one day when he had left it at home and found the messages that he did not delete off of his work phone. And then he has the guts to tell me that he did it because of my behavior and how I treat him. I have suggested that he go to counseling because I am currently in counseling sadly our insurance does not pay for marriage counseling but I have started going to counseling trying to cope with all of this and working on my own issues that is all I can do at this point and he thinks that I'm going to counseling and making up lies about him and making him look like the bad guy because I have told him my counselor said I should be allowed to look at his phone and he is very protective over his phone. I don't have a problem with him looking at my phone he does it he just pretends that he doesn't. My counselor told me that we need complete transparency and our marriage and that he is going to have to take the steps to earn back Trust and he doesn't agree with that he thinks that I should forgive him and it's over at that point. But I keep telling him that it still hurts what he did to me and that wound does not heal easily.
I appreciate having support from such a wonderful group y'all have been amazing. Thank you so much!

show more ⇓
Comment
 29
View 26 More Comments
Aklady's picture
[4955]
Sep 18

@Therese67
I am going to counseling and working on myself I do acknowledge that there are things that I need to change but sadly my husband has this list of things that he doesn't like about me and no matter how hard I try it's never enough for him and all he does is continue to point fingers at me on how I continue to mess up. I am far from perfect but I know that his frustration is coming from the fact that I cannot work and that is not my fault and it weighs heavy on my shoulders more than he knows and I've told him that so many times I can't draw regular disability I'm four points shy of being able to draw disability but when we got together I was on SSI but when we got married I lost it because of his income then counted and I discussed that with him before we got married and told him that if we married I would lose my benefits and he said he was okay with that.. he has also said to me during our argument the other night that I have always been taking care of my whole life that I have not worked for anything and that really hurt me deep because that is simply not true and it hurt me that he thinks so negatively of me and yet he can be so positive and sweet and kind to other females but has this horrible view of his own wife I was a single mother 4 years at one point in my life three girls and at one point I had to work three jobs just to make ends meet. And I told him if you don't believe that I have worked half of my life hard call my daughter ask my daughters ask people that were in my life ask my mother I used to work nights and then come home and grab an hour of sleep and get up and work with my mother cleaning houses all day because she had a cleaning business and that was when I was 16 I have spent so much time of my life working but just because of an injury that I now have that has caused me to be unable to work my husband now looks at me like I am worthless and I have been worthless my whole life and that hurts me deep. When I left my first husband I took my three daughters I got on an airplane and I went all the way to Alaska to get away from him because he was embarrassed I didn't know anyone there I got a job out of the classifieds working at lawn and garden center and doing part time work with the temporary agency just to make ends meet when I got there I had my daughter's uncle fly up to babysit my kids so that I could work and make ends meet so that I didn't have to pay for daycare and he did it for room and board because I did not trust putting my kids in daycare. Not long after that I met someone up there and went to business class and he and I started and glass business together and when I left Alaska I signed over my half of that business to him and he still runs that business to this day and it's a profitable glass business we ran a business together for 8 years but to my current husband I've done nothing and that hurts..

show more ⇓
Reply
[26990]
Sep 18

I am just wondering why your h equates your worth with how much money you bring in. Would he like you to do the same to him? Would he like it if you told him that the fact that he only earns x amount means that he has never been able to earn a decent living or support you in the way that you expect that he should. Where does he get this arrogant attitude from.

Reply
Aklady's picture
[4955]
Sep 18

@after28years
He sees it as he's been a great provider. . When he got out of the military he took this job here in Louisiana and we moved here two years ago it'll be 3 this year and he has told me that he did that for me not for him he did it so that I would have health care and be taken care of because whenever I married him I then lost my SSI and my medical when we got married. The way he puts it is he could take a lower-paying job and live off of his VA and not have to worry about anything. But he took this job thinking of me and my needs that's how he puts it.

Reply

Login or Register

You are visiting Support Groups as an anonymous user.

Please consider joining our community and gain access to additional features by

registering or logging into your account