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SassyBanker72's picture

Married 7 years, together for 10. I have a husband that is extremely attentive and totally worships me. This is why I can’t wrap my head around why I have caught him sending FB messages to girls online telling them how hot they look. He eventually asks them for pictures. This has happened around 7 or 8 times in the past 10 years. Every time, he tells me how sorry he is and doesn’t know why he did it. He tells me how much he loves me and how he will do anything to make our marriage work. I’m a high libido female who tries to do little things frequently to keep our sex life exciting and active. I know he isn’t low libido because he watches porn daily. But, we’ve had several conversations over the past 3 or 4 years about how I’d like to have sex more frequently. He says how he wants me to be happy and doesn’t want to disappoint me or fail as a husband by not meeting my needs. I’m in my 40’s and have NEVER been a jealous or insecure person until this first happened about 9 years ago... this is why I find myself checking his phone frequently. The majority of the time, I don’t find anything and it eases my mind. But it seems to happen about every year or year and a half that I come across one of these messages when I check his phone. I check it several times a week for the past 9 years. It takes so much time to rebuild the trust again and allow myself to be vulnerable with him again. And, as soon as I get back to that point, I find something again and we start the cycle all over again. My question is this... How can he love me so much and treat me like a queen and yet disrespect and humiliate me by “attempting to start something up with other girls” by doing the above described things. Why is the validation I give him not enough? I know this isn’t cheating per se. But, I’m guessing it’s just never had the chance to go that far because these girls never reply to his request for pics. Most of these girls are people he’s FB friends with and has known for 25 years. So, they aren’t random women he’s friended on FB. I just caught him the last time this week after no incidents for the past 18 months. I told him that I’m not going to keep going through this and allowing him to hurt and humiliate me like this. He always makes Facebook posts about how much he loves and adores me and how beautiful and special I am. So, it’s almost twice as bad because these girls see those posts and then get these messages from him. I’m so devastated and SO CONFUSED... Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

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Sep 24

I am surprised no one suggested the old boy suffered OCD and and sex was his obsession, Needs the excitement of the new person. Time for a little consultation.

Sep 25

Thank you for your insight. I don’t know if she is having any conversations with other men online. She says she is not,, and I am not going to look at her e-mails to find out. That, to me, is a violation of trust. What really bothers me about this situation is that she seems perfectly content with the way things are currently. I just can’t seem to break through that barrier.

Sep 25

I feel like we are just roommates. I have taken the steps needed to stop looking online for anyone else. All these comments I have received on this website have convinced me to do that. It was wrong of me to even communicate online with these other women. Thank all of you for your insight and opinions. I needed those to help me make the right decision.


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