hello everyone and anyone. I'm not sure what to say or where

inuino's picture
[375]

hello everyone and anyone. I'm not sure what to say or where to start. today, I am unwell. I have my first ever diagnostic mental health appointment on Monday and I'm so terrified. I have to tell them so much and I don't know where to start. I am posting here because the biggest issue I'm dealing with right now is resurfacing memories of being drugged with LSD and being sexually assaulted and anally raped by my father as a small child and adolescent teen. Every orifice of my entire being has been forced open and I don't know how to handle my truth or how to know what is true and what isn't. I'm scared to talk to a stranger about it.

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inuino's picture
[375]
Aug 12

@StillStandingMF
i dont even know what to say. your words touch my heart in ways no one else has. im 22. my parents and grandparents are still alive. i still talk to my grandparents. i refuse to contact my father but i keep in touch with my mom (they are seperated) to keep track of my siblings. i am still so angry. i dont know when ill be ready to forgive. the weirdest part is that im more upset at whatmy dad did than my grandpa because my grandpa still showered me in love attention affection and i had everything i needed and wanted.

my father drugged me took me away from where i was being heavily and very well taken care of to move me to the ghetto with my mentally ill drug addicr mom and himself. i was their slave pretty much. i took care of them instead of them taking care of me. that starred wheni was 8. i hate him because not only did he rape and drug me repeatedly but he neglected me degraded me emotionally abused me and made it my fault because i wasnt good enough. i honestly miss my grandpa he was my first boyfriend and that's sick and it makes me disgusted that i was so okay with it i know i was a baby and didnt know better but i love my grandpa. i was only 1 - 7.he gave me everything so i didnt develop as much anger at him as i did my father.

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StillStandingMF's picture
[21880]
Aug 13

@inuino
I'm going to support you. It sounds like we have some things in common and I think you could use someone who understands where you are coming from and won't judge you or make you feel wrong for the feelings you are having.

If you feel like that would be helpful to you just support me back and we can go from there.

One thing I've found is that people that have not been abused just can't relate to all the crazy crap that goes on in your head. You need someone that's been there and knows first hand what this feels like.

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inuino's picture
[375]
Aug 13

@StillStandingMF
thank you so much. i really appreciate you. i very glad and grateful thats i reached out here and that Im able to make connections with people who do understand

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