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I'm so messed up right now when will it end when will I star

I'm so messed up right now when will it end when will I start feeling normal instead of rejected, not good enough, insecure, like freaking trash!!! I'm damaged goods I'm worthless!! Who the hell is going to accept me for me except junkie, ex prostitute, on disability because I'm so messed up emotionally and mentally that I can't do anything right!! I switch all the time I can't make up my mind about anything. One minute I feel beautiful, sexy, lovable, the next can be hell all I have to do is feel like this man is cutting me off on messenger by adruptly finishing his sentence and saying good night not wait for a response all we do is talk about God and honestly that's what attracted me to him otherwise I probably would not have taken another look! As Soon as that happened I was left thinking did I say something wrong? He doesn't even know how much I like him because God has to come first in my life or all else will fail I will make the wrong decision and pick the wrong guy it's been 3 years on the 12th this month since I decided to stay by myself with my children and focus on my recovery and my children,, being alone is like a shield bof protection because no one can hurt me like my ex we have a child together with down syndrome and he raised my daughter from the age of 3 that I got pregnant for on a date I prefer to be alone with my children, but after meeting this man that I have been around since I was a child hung out with his sister and he knows my family from Wisconsin now I totally like him am attracted to him taking really slow don't even know if he knows I really like him all the freaking feelings of rejection, that I'm garbage come right back as soon as they are triggered the feelings I used and practically killed myself over with the drugs and lifestyle I lead this is what all the rapes, the incest from my father, grandfather, and countless others did to me how am I supposed to get away from the feelings when will I get better who the hell will see me inside instead of my looks who's going to believe I'm good , I'm beautiful inside not my past history.

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ForgetMekNot's picture
[500]
Aug 18

@Charliegirl816 thank you, I do see a counselor but things have been so busy with my children and summer with the humidity it's strenuous but I've been trying to get ahold of my counselor. Thank you

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[565]
Aug 22

Glad you do have a counselor, and helping yourself emotionally and mentally with also help your children later learn their worth is not based on others. Take Care.

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ForgetMekNot's picture
[500]
Aug 23

@Charliegirl816 thank you BPD really gets in the way.

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