Newest BLOG IS OUT!!!!! "Living a life worthy of celebrating"
Make sure to click READ MORE to see the full article. -SG
https://www.supportgroups.com/blog/living-a-life-worthy-of-celebrating or click BLOG on GREEN menu bar

Part of my ERP is watching lesbian movies and I just watched

[475]

Part of my ERP is watching lesbian movies and I just watched "Below Her Mouth" on Netflix and it was such a big trigger for me. Of course my mind convinces me that this is what I want and who I am and the only way I'll be happy. Just wanted to put this on here for people who havent started therapy yet or just feel really helpless...ERP is all about facing your fears and with OCD its one of the only forms of treatment. Its terrifying..but you can do it. Ive been at the bottom, I know what you're going through trust me. Trust the process...were in this together!!

Comment
 12
View 9 More Comments
[970]
Apr 22

***Okay this might trigger people so read with caution**

Thank you so much Bria, your reply has lifted some weight off my chest. You are the first person to not blame me for what happened. Everyone I tell this to blames it on me and makes me feel like sh*t for listening to these pricks but it's not like I asked for this to happen to me, I mean who would ask for this to happen to them? I never did anything to these women, in fact I felt bad for them for the way society treats them for their sexuality and in return they do this to me and they do it at the lowest point in my life. Tumblr is cancer like everyone who has a brain says and I was just so lonely and isolated I wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere and this is what happens. I feel like an idiot and I'm so angry at myself and at them for what happened. I'm honestly concerned for this other girl who I met on there who is straight because she listens to these women and I'm afraid she's gonna end up with HOCD. She already struggles with anxiety and I'm pretty sure a lot of people here struggled with anxiety and other intrusive thoughts before they got HOCD. And yes, the fact that I was pretty much brainwashed to hate men is the biggest reason why I have HOCD now. They told me so many things and they made me feel like I should be physically disgusted by all men and now my brain is slowly "unwashing" itself from all that. I have my attraction back somewhat now but even then I can barely find any guys attractive because what these women told me is still present in my mind. I'll even go so far as to say that I was in an actual cult by listening to these women. I got conditioned almost perfectly to suppress my own sexuality and to open myself to being a lesbian because apparently women are the perfect partners and "men are hideous" and "lesbian relationships are the only pure ones".

I thought I had made a friend with this girl from there who was bi but then later on I realized that she had this sort of attitude towards me from the beginning. I remember she thought I was bi too so she asked me what kind of women I was into and then I replied to her telling her that I'm straight and her response still pisses me off till this day. I don't remember word per word of what she said but I know that her response was full of mock and pity. It was like she was basically telling me she felt sorry for me that I'm straight. This other girl who I made friends with from tumblr actually went through a phase where she hated straight people and I confronted her about this a few weeks ago and she told me that she never hated me and that she has always considered me a friend but I don't believe her and now I can't trust her and I'm really pissed off at her. That first girl who felt pity for me no longer talks to me as she removed me from social media last week for no reason whatsoever. The thing I don't understand is why she continued to talk to me for months after that incident I told you about if she has this attitude towards me.

Because of ALL of this I feel like absolute sh*t and have been feeling this way since November and I actually feel ashamed for my own sexuality. My intrusive thoughts feed on this and even if I find a guy attractive my mind tells me that he's not that hot and that women are better looking etc. I absolutely f*cking hate it. I'm living in the worst nightmare of my life and the false arousal is just too much for me.

show more ⇓
Reply
[38445]
Apr 22

@kari197 it's not your fault... Sometimes depression, and loneliness (I'm assuming that you were) make people more vulnerable to being brainwashed. Don't blame yourself or feel guilty about what these girls did to you... They clearly have issues, because normal people don't do that to other people. I'm sure you've learned from what happened, albeit it being an awful experience. Don't let this ruin your ability to trust again, because there are a lot of good people in this world. Honestly, I have no idea what Tumblr is. My brother asked if I go on there because of the hocd related thoughts I have.... I've never been on Tumblr..... But clearly there are crazy people on there. In my personal opinion, I'd cut all ties with that website so you can work on getting better. Try not to fight the thoughts that enter your brain. The less you judge the thoughts you have, the less power those thoughts have over you.

Reply
[970]
Apr 22

I'm surprised you've never heard of it. It has a strong reputation for having extremist liberal beliefs and normal people never take it seriously because of the way the people on that site choose to share their beliefs. The site is mostly full of people who clearly have unresolved psychological issues because a lot them love victimizing themselves and hating "privileged" groups of people. It's easy to see why specific types of people tend to flock to that site, among them being lonely kids and teens who feel like they don't fit in with the rest of society. I was pretty lonely and depressed then and I still am and clearly even more so with what happened. I'm so grateful for your kind and understanding words. You don't know how much better I feel that at least someone doesn't solely blame me for what happened. My best friend told me that it was my fault for taking their opinions too seriously, as if I could easily choose what my mind pays attention to, I mean I have intrusive thoughts now for goodness sake. I have a whole sob story as to why I have low self esteem but that's not important now. I do think the fact that I might have BPD might have to do with why I act certain ways with certain people and why I deal with this type of behavior a lot (I know I need help lol) but I'm not sure yet but I just wish people were more understanding. Everyone blames me for what happened as if I was the one who did something bad. THank you somuch again and I will definitely take your advice into mind. I do find that the more I fight with the thoughts, the worse they get. I just wish I knew how to not fight with them or make them worse. I'll look online for info

show more ⇓
Reply

Login or Register

You are visiting Support Groups as an anonymous user.

Please consider joining our community and gain access to additional features by

registering or logging into your account