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Last night I was at a film festival with this guy that I lik

[4480]

Last night I was at a film festival with this guy that I like (?). We were sitting in the back and he said that my hands were cold and he is gonna warm them up and he took my hand and we held hands for the whole time and it felt great and I was aroused just by holding hands I don't remember If that ever happened before. After that we went to a cafe and then the thoughts happened 'what if I was just aroused because anyone touched me, not specifically a guy (cause it's been a long time somebody touched me in a romantic/sexual way) what If I was getting aroused because I saw a girl in one of the films we were watching etc. Jesus, this is just tiring.

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katloui's picture
[1505]
Dec 6

I think you're so brave for trying to to pursue a relationship while dealing with HOCD. I assume it must be really hard. For me even if i just find a boy attractive, which seems rarer and rarer these days, my mind keeps saying that i'm forcing it, that i'm in denial and etc. As for what happened at the film festival, it's just usual bull**it HOCD throws at you.

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[4480]
Dec 6

@leoneandonly1 First of all, hey and thanks for taking your time to comment on my post! Yes, I agree that it's really hard to pursue a relationiship, mostly because you are kinda sure that it's all gonna be over when you realize that you enjoy your relationship (both emotionally and sexually), but I just realized that it's very untrue. So I just decided to go with a flow and be like, okay I am not going to take this seriously, I am going to enjoy it and not think about labels too much, but it's pretty hard, as I am sure you know.

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[4480]
Dec 6

@katloui Yes! That's exactly how I feel about my crushes - that I am actually forcing it. And it was so hard pursuing a relationship in this state, but I realized that I may never be in a great straight place where I used to be, so I have to try and work with what I have. As you might imagine it's a constant ? state, as you are never sure what you are and what you are not, but I decided to just continue my path as it was before I started questioning myself.

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