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It feels like I can’t tell what I want anymore. When my oc

[130]

It feels like I can’t tell what I want anymore. When my ocd first started I tried doing online counseling and told my counselor that one of the things I kept telling myself was I could never have a partner relationship with a guy. It just doesn’t seem like a man could ever treat me equal in a relationship that way. She wasn’t an ocd specialists so things didn’t work out. She kept talking to me about accepting my sexuality and it just made everything worse. In the rare times when I’m not anxious, I feel like I want guys. The thought of not having an equal relationship with a guy slowly went away. Today is the first day in a long time where I’ve had the thought of not having an equal relationship with a man. I’ve also had the thought lately of what it would be like to be in a relationship with a woman, and I can’t tell if I want it or not. I keep telling myself now that since I can’t imagine having an equal relationship with a man, but I can’t for sure tell that I don’t want a relationship with women, I must want to be with women. I’m just so tired of not being able to tell what’s real and what I actually want. If I do want to be with a woman, why does it cause me so much anxiety? If a lot of times I feel like I could be with a man, why does the thought of never being able to keep coming back to me? It feels like I could be equal in a relationship with another woman, but I can’t tell if I actually want a relationship.

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[915]
Jun 30

OCD has made us obsses about this thoughts and because we are obsessing and wanting to know if we are gay/bi makes us impossible to imagine us having a relationship with the opposite sex. I think we all know that deep down we are straight but this thoughts makes everything just not seem right. I know what it feels like not really knowing whats real and what's not. Just yesterday I was crying histerically because I really dont want to be gay/bi and I had anxiety since I saw a wedding scene. Today has been a good day since I'm not trying to pay attention to the thoughts even though the thoughts still scare me because they tell me I want to have s*x with a women and I can't imagine myself having a relationship with a men anymore. The thoughts will slowly disappear if you just don't react to them. I hope this works and good luck!

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