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I have been dealing with HOCD since I was 19 years old. I am

[10]

I have been dealing with HOCD since I was 19 years old. I am not 24. It has been an on again and off again theme since I was 19. I am getting really sick and tired of this now. I was good for about 2 years with no symptoms or any intrusive thoughts and if I did have these thoughts, thinking I was lesbian or saw an attractive person, I kinda just let it go like any normal person. It think randomly one night came back and I was terrified and outraged. I am so in love with my boyfriend and then I had this **** come again :( i got over it eventually for only about a month and half and then bam. 3 weeks ago it came back. This time feels utterly and completely different and I dont think I can do this anymore. I feel like my brain has fully convinced I am lesbian and I dont want to me. I WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK. that is all. every second of everyday is torture. I feel like im living a life I dont recognize and feel so disconnected to myself, my family, my boyfriend and friends. I have a therapist appointment on Thursday and I started taking my meds again but idk, just feels so so different this time. Not having that anxiety that much and just ugh.

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 3
[865]
Feb 25

I’m on the same boat

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[505]
Feb 26

I know that feeling. Having myself a relapse myself and it sucks so bad. We have each other

Reply
[220]
Mar 1

My current cycle (which has been going on for about nine months or more than a year depending on how you look at it) is a relapse of a much shorter sexuality crisis I experienced about two years ago

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