This week's Brilliant New Topic: Happy Tears, Sad Tears, Tears abound in 2020!

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I’m well aware that in the end compulsions will always mak


I’m well aware that in the end compulsions will always make things worse, but before they at least gave me a temporary relief. Now whenever I check my brain says “you’re lying to yourself, what if you actually do like it, you need to do it again to make sure.” So I get stuck in this endless loop of repeating it over and over until I get so frustrated I give up. And then after all is said and done my brain says “well you’re so upset because you liked it, this is denial.” And part of me knows this isn’t logical. Gay and bi people don’t spend their waking moments checking their eyes, their bodies, their heart rates, or just checking everything in general to make sure they like it. But what always gets me is “well people in denial probably do that, so this can’t be OCD.” I just feel like I can’t win, because every time I feel like I’ve finally outsmarted my brain and proved that I don’t like it, it finds some other way to spite me.

CKBlossom's picture
Oct 19

True, but at the end of the cycle is the thought, but what if it isn't, try to stop there, try to put a hole in the tire before it goes around again!


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