Hey guys. I haven't been here in a while trying not to seek

[2905]

Hey guys. I haven't been here in a while trying not to seek reassurance. I can't though. It's too hard. I was watching a movie and it had a sex scene. I was aroused already by the scene, not by anyone though. I then had a thought, "what if I was the guy?" I panicked and spiked so bad. Ever since then, to avoid those thoughts and anxiety, I force my mind to picture myself as the girl. Today, I was thinking about that and I started to question if I had that thought because I am lesbian and I was forcing myself to imagine myself because I don't want to be lesbian. I never had these thoughts before though. I hate these thoughts. They give me anxiety so I don't want them to be in my head. Am I lesbian? Ugh. I don't know what to do anymore.

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@Vn. No you aren't. You can't ben something you don't want to be. In fact, I should be asking you this because I keep having all these weird kind of thoughts and that I really want to act on them when I actually don't. I don't have anxiety and I don't feel weird about them. They're just thoughts and I'm like what if I grab this girl and kiss her or something but no I'm not gonna do it even though it feels so real and that I really want it. And I've never had thoughts like these, it's only after HOCD that it's gotten worse. You need to chill. And so do I xD

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[2905]
Feb 13

@Worriedallthetime You'll get through this! I hope one day all of us will pull through this nightmare and live life the way we want to without worrying about anything. Lol, I do need to chill. I'm questioning the stupidest things. A few days ago I forgot to wash my hands before lunch and I thought that meant I was a lesbian. Weird. I know. I wish the questioning would stop and I could just move on with my life. I'm not getting as much anxiety over anything which scares me. I guess this could be a sign that I'm getting better?

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@Vn. Yes that's good. But like even I'm.freaking out over the fact that I don't babe ANXIETY over my made up scenarios or anything. And I feel so scared. And I keep having feelings that I want to kiss a girl or whatever. When that's clearly not the case.

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