Difference between gay in denial and having HOCD: Gay in

NicoletteCB's picture
(2640)

Difference between gay in denial and having HOCD:

Gay in denial: This person probably knows that they like the same sex and enjoys their same sex fantasies and thoughts. The only time they feel fear and anxiety thinking about being gay is when considering the effects it will have on them such as how society, family, and friends will react. I am gay in denial in the sense that I am "hiding in the closet" and too afraid to come out because my parents are homophobic and I risk abandonment if I do.

HOCD: Person is highly afraid and terrified of their thoughts, usually these thoughts have started from out of nowhere or have stemmed from trivial matters like someone calling or asking if you are gay, watching a tv show or seeing/reading a form of gay entertainment and asking one's self if they are gay, relationship issues, and etc. The person displays most if not all signs of OCD associated with their fear and cannot gain control of their thoughts at first. Person is more afraid of loosing attractions for the sex they like.

Hope this helps you guys out :)

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Eddylow9's picture
(8770)
May 22, 2014

@NicoletteCB don't pay attention to all that noise through my struggles i learned that you don't "choose" to be gay, you are born gay and the same can apply to heteros and actually everybody. everybody is born their own way its not a burden to be anything other than straight its who you are its what makes you comfortable its what you envision yourself doing. i personally don't fear being gay i could care less but i know deep down inside me i'm not so i don't think i can turn gay over one thought or over night, just the only thing is the anxiety sometimes and how much of an annoyance it is to my life it serves no purpose other than to be an obstacle. I have gay friends as well i get a long pretty fine with them i was raise taught not hate anybody so i'm in no way shape or form homophobic sadly this mental disorder made me homophobic when i didn't want to be (not anymore i'm getting better).

My OCD does the same it whispers to me and tells me to accept being Homosexual and move on with life but when i did it made no difference cause i was still being tormented so that was a clear indication i wasn't besides i find thoughts about me and doing stuff with the same sex disturbing. you're no different than any of us on this page we are all going through something that is robbing us of our identities.

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manic233's picture
(1010)
May 22, 2014

@NicoletteCB thank you so much for posting this

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NicoletteCB's picture
(2640)
May 22, 2014

@Eddylow9 I'd like to think I was born this way maybe if I lived in a more "liberal" and accepting family or community then perhaps I would've found out my true sexuality faster I notice I started accepting myself more when I learned a more positive definition of same sex relationships but I can go on and on with "what if.." scenarios. What's important now is I don't want to be with guys and don't see myself happy with one when it comes to long term relationships like marriage, plus I actually have a feeling that if I was to proclaim myself as hetero I would become the new face of "gay in denial" because I know who I am and it ain't a lover of boys anymore.

I have the idea that I might've been born this way because I have the 2D: 4D ratio with my fingers that matches the ratio of heterosexual men which may mean I was exposed to more testosterone in my mother's uterus making me technically born gay but then I started reading the critiques for that study talking about how faulty it was in determining lesbianism and once again HOCD was knocking on my door.

Thank you for talking to me though it's nice to get this all out to people who aren't being paid to listen to me like my therapist.

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