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I’m scared. I’m always anxious and depressed about every

I’m scared. I’m always anxious and depressed about everything. I feel like my boyfriend will leave me because of it. And then I told him that I was born with an infection... he told me “ok” and “I need time to process it”. After I told him, I didn’t hear from him for a week so I freaked out because all week my aunt kept telling me that he’ll stop talking to me ever again and that he’ll talk about me to everybody. Because of that I started hating the fact that I was born with something I couldn’t control. I hated being alive because I felt no one will accept me. So I thought about ending it. So my therapist sent me to a mental hospital. Even so I didn’t have my medicine and he offered to bring it to me even though it meant socializing with my aunt which he despises. He went to my house and when he learned she wasn’t there he looked everywhere to find her number just so he could bring me my medication. And he drove an hour to come get me even though it inconvenienced him.

The point is I do nothing but burden him. I’m insecure that he’ll use my virus to break up with me. We haven’t spoken as much anymore and I feel like he’s lost interest cause of it. Also I blow up his phone with messages about all the times I’m depressed and anxious. And I know that would irritate the average person. But he never says anything. He never responds, he doesn’t snap at me for it, he just does nothing. He reads it and that’s it. We don’t communicate as much so I don’t know how he feels or if he’s still interested or if he’s annoyed with me and my issues.

I did try asking him if he’s still interested. And if I bother him. And if he’s disgusted by me. But he never answers so I’m not sure where we stand.

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May 12

@elocinnerual thank you so much for this. I’m hoping that he’ll accept me for having HIV. I’m so scared though. I’m having a hard time accepting it myself

May 13

Since Herpes is not as serious and HIV I cannot say I totally understand how you feel, however it is hard to come to terms with a life long disease. I know for myself some days are better than others. Most of the time I forget I even have it. Just know that you do not have to be defined by your disease. There are tons of HIV support groups out there who I am sure can relate to you better than I can, but I never want you to feel dirty or unwanted. That is not true. And what I have found helpful when discussing my disease with partners is to educate them. There are huge stigmas behind STDs. Most people do not know much about them though. They just assume. So I would just let him know the reality of the situation. Like for me, I take Valtrex. So it lessens the chance of me passing herpes to someone else. I also can feel when I am about to have an outbreak. I am extremely careful. Once your partner knows more about it he may feel better.

worstcurse's picture
May 15

Having been born with pedophilia, I think I understand how it feels when it seems like you're always going to be different and that nobody will accept you. All I can say is that if you know you are a good person, that's what's most important. We don't come into this world with any guarantees about how life is going to go. We can try to focus on what we care about and get as much enjoyment out of each precious moment as possible.


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