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So, I'm 20 years old and I'm currently experiencing my first

So, I'm 20 years old and I'm currently experiencing my first outbreak. Firstly, the physical pain is excruciating. I haven't been able to sleep due to that pain.

I figured I was just experiencing another yeast infection since I'm so prone of getting them, but I knew something just wasn't right.. plus the pain was just out of control. I went straight to the hospital and waited about 6 horrible hours of boredom and despair. Finally, after taking all the other tests and precautions, I meet the doctor and boom, he diagnoses me with herpes. Just like that, my life was over. I was hysterical. I was on the phone with my sister, who happens to be my best friend, and I remember saying that there's no way I could live with something so disgusting. Yes, DISGUSTING and GROSS. I had deemed myself disgusting and gross as well. I thought to myself, you've lived 20 years of being a good student, a great athlete, and a wonderful friend & daughter.. how did you end up on the floor of a hospital room crying your eyes out for contracting this life ending, disgusting disease. The words, "Look at what you've become" continue to plague my mind.
I could go on, honestly, and I'm sure I will in future posts during my spirals of self blame and disappointment. I'm finishing the second day of my medication, and the symptoms, although still painful, are beginning to subside.
There are so many aspects of of having herpes that I still have to deal with. The medication, the pity, the blame, the depression, the person I got it from, future partners, the will the live...
Nevertheless, I will figure this mess of a conumdrum out. Pleasantly, I have a great support system. I have an ex teammate(amazing friend as well) that had the same thing happen to her about 2 years ago, so she gives me insight and motivation. My sister who I've mentioned, is the best person ever. She provides me with strength and the will to live. Two very close friends of mine.. they supply me with judgement free friendship and unconditional love. My mom. This woman is all in all, my.. I don't know how to explain her. She's all the qualities I've previously mentioned and so much more. I look at her as a gift from the Heavens.
Anywho, I know no one probably reads this, especially since I've babbled on and on, but it's still nice to get things off my mind that I'm not completely ready to share with my loved ones. Ugghh, this really f****** sucks, but I'll just have to move on and find a way to grow from this s***ty situation.

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View 2 More Comments
Oct 11

You are lucky to have nonjudgmental support. It is like trying to recover from chicken pox or other illnesses. Take it one day at a time. Be nice to yourself.

Oct 12

@bebobaBetty Thank you so much. I am working on positive affirmations every day!

Oct 13

You are not gross. This has changed your life but you are still you! Don’t let this define you! You are better then that and you deserve more then that to yourself. Now u just need to try to find ways to stay healthy. I understand what you are going through but the reality is we can’t change it so we have to change our mind set and know this isn’t your fault and a lot of ppl have this disease and don’t even know it. Take care of yourself and know u are still the same person, but u just have a skin disorder now and it’s manageable.


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