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My boyfriend and I have talked a little since I told him, bu

AmyLanzo's picture

My boyfriend and I have talked a little since I told him, but we haven’t seen each other becuz he needed some time to process. He has a doctor appointment tomorrow to get tested and he’s really stressing out. Saturday will be the first time we’ll see each other since and I couldn’t be more nervous. He tells me I’m not at fault or to blame for this, but I’m still afraid that this may have ruined our new relationship.

Jul 19

Hi. This sounds really stressful. You get to worry for 2 whole days, then see him after not seeing him for a while. Ouch.

I think you have done everything right - you told him. He's done everything right - he's seeing a doctor promptly. You both have done everything right - you're not having sex til he sees the doctor. And he has said the right things - that you're not at fault or to blame for this. So I think all the signs look good. I think you both deserve credit for being honest and not in denial and honorable with each other.

But you're still really scared about when you see him. You're afraid that this will end the relationship. I can understand that. How long have you been together? Do the 2 of you seem like soulmates? Up til now, has the relationship felt solid? Best of luck to you! Hope things go well when you see him.

AmyLanzo's picture
Jul 20

We’ve only been together for a month. So this is huge to happen especially so early in a relationship. But even it being a month I did feel like it was a solid relationship and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Now I’m terrified that this is going to ruin the relationship. He should get his results Monday and know for sure. Today is the first day we’ve gone without talking since we’ve been together and I’m having a hard time with it. I miss him but am trying to respect him needing space.

Jul 21

Hi Amy,
How painful to start a really solid relationship and then have something like this happen just a month in. And to not talk to him after talking to him every day, wow that's difficult. Plus you are going to be on pins & needles for another day til he gets the results, etc. Wow, I can understand your being anxious.

I have a suggestion, only if you want it. I suggest you google herpes and learn about it. There are treatments. People can have a good sex life. People go long periods of time without suffering symptoms from it. There are ways to prevent it from spreading to the other partner. There's lots of hope for a good relationship even if people have herpes. So, I suggest you learn what you can about these things, so that when you finally sit down with him to talk, you'll be talking from facts, not solely from grief and fear.

I think you've done one other thing right, which I didn't mention in my first comment: You are respecting his request for space to process it. So, best of luck to both of you.

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