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I was diagnosed yesterday with this virus...Sunday evening I

[20]

I was diagnosed yesterday with this virus...Sunday evening I thought I had a UTI, Monday afternoon I noticed the bumps. Went to the gynecologist and after she did the swabs she said it was herpes. I’m so mad and angry. I have been with him and only him for two years! We started out as friends with benefits and I specifically remember telling him the only thing I ask is to not sleep with other people as I have always been safe and cared for my health. A few months later he sleeps with this girl who is known to get around our area...I was dumb for thinking he wouldn’t ever do it again. I should have left him then because they slept together many more times. But I was stupid. I thought I loved him. I told him I had something going on down there before my appointment, he came over to look at it. I get diagnosed (the biggest hit I will ever take mentally) and he texts me back “whatever you need me to do I’ll do it”. Like for real?!? I asked one thing of you when we first started hanging out and you couldn’t but now all of a sudden you can?!? Where was that ambition when I asked time after time to stop having sex with her before this? I’m mad because he didn’t really want me then and now I feel like no one is ever going to want me. I did nothing but try to be a good person to him. I’m just so hurt that now I have to pay the consequence for his actions. I want it to go away, I want to sleep and wake up like it’s all a dream.

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a_survivor's picture
[79420]
May 22

@Meganjo:
this link was made just for you. please see this thread from our past: https://www.supportgroups.com/herpes/dear-insert-your-name-here-i-want-y...

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[20]
May 22

Thank you, I just don’t know what to think or do at the moment..I just feel so cold right now. In a meh state..my mom asked if I’m going to remain friends with him..he asked yesterday when I had him come get his stuff. Like I have so much to worry about right now. My mom said I just focus too much on the good in people, and it’s so true because I still texted him last night asking how he was handling the news..and I don’t know why for, because putting this virus aside what did he do for me? He increased my anxiety levels, took nights of sleep away, gave me a false sense of security but I still right now can’t just not care and I hate it.

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a_survivor's picture
[79420]
May 22

@Meganjo
i think you just answered yourself. love with your brain and you heart will follow. you mom is correct.
allow time to mourn before taking the next step. i can tell, deep inside you know what the right thing to do is. please see this link for typical stages you may go through yet: http://projectaccept.org/phases-of-std-acceptance-text-only/

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