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I tend to exaggerate things a lot...cognitive distortions th

jewantme's picture
[395]

I tend to exaggerate things a lot...cognitive distortions they call it. I make statements about myself that I believe to be true but that aren't actually based on actual fact. I think living with Herpes for so long sometimes does this to us. We start to over-generalize. We make comments to ourselves about "no one ever accepting us," "no one ever loving us," "we are losers, "we are worthless," "we are xxx..." We have a lot of regret, remorse and we make unfair comparisons like "my life would be better if I didn't have herpes," "I'd have found the love of my life if i didn't have herpes” “I’d be married with kids if I didn’t have herpes.” Of course there’s also the what if game we play…”if I only …”

We reject any evidence or arguments that might contradict our negative thoughts. We constantly measure ourselves according to some arbitrary standards and find that we always come up short. These evaluations and opinions I speak of are not fact based. I was reminded of this last night as I was speaking candidly with a peer and I wanted to write this to you all as you are probably struggling with some of the same issues as I am. We are all very hard on ourselves as it is, but we can’t lose site of the fact that there are indeed friends and family out there that will stand by our side no matter what we tell them (even if it is that we have an incurable skin condition). The people that are mean and ugly and judge us for what we have, do we really want them in our lives anyway? These are all the questions I sit and ponder every day as I myself am practicing more and more self love and acceptance. Some of you are better and faster at it than I am, but for those of you who are newly being diagnosed, please be kind to yourself.

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a_survivor's picture
[76695]
Aug 15

@dog_girl
your hatred for men is so powerful that i feel i may be wasting my time trying to help you... i'm NOT degrading or pointing any fingers of blame. already it seems you are on the defensive instead of absorbing what people are trying very hard to convey to you.

in any case, for those who are reading this, IMHO (in my humble opinion) SEX is basically the culprit. many jump far too quickly into needing sex, and divulging they have HSV. it's how "I" caught the virus so i will admit to it and bring it to light here. looking back to 1985, had i followed what i know now, i would have not pursued my date to the magnitude that i did, but i was young and so much less wise.

as stated many times before here, ****DATE PLATONICALLY**** first. >>> NO SEX!! <<<
if it becomes a deal breaker, then you know your date had only one thing on his agenda!! Sex WILL come into play later, and if/when it does, it will be "Making Love" as opposed to "Having Sex"!

finally, for those who feel "No Real Man Will EVER Love Me"; >>> WRONG! <<<< a "REAL MAN" is the one who ****WILL LOVE YOU**** he will love ALL OF YOU and will accept ALL OF YOU because he can see how worthy and valuable of a person you are, and see past this little Faux Pas and grab the golden ring...

that is how I know it to be...

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a_survivor's picture
[76695]
Aug 15

@jewantme
YOU have that winning spirit! you won't be here long! Mr right lays in your midst!

i keep in touch with a few others who have left here and moved to greener pastures. they had that same zesty mindset you have...!

thx for your help here!

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I_HAVE_H's picture
[4555]
Aug 15

@dog_girl
I consider my self a decent MAN and I would help any one who need a friendly hand. I got infected from someone who had no idea she had the skin condition. I have this since OCT 2017. From day one I educated my self and took the horn by the bull....(maybe the other way around) I went back to the gym, read that I needed to do things that will bring my stress level down and to ensure i changed my diet. And I have... but I do not blame the person who gave me this change of life, instead I look for positive things from it. Just like I stated before, think about the wonderful person in front of the mirror...take care of her. Take the time to accomplish things for her that will bring pleasure, pride and positive vibes. Much luv and keep your head up.

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