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I made a horrible, drunken mistake. I had an unplanned on

[700]

I made a horrible, drunken mistake.

I had an unplanned one night stand on a work trip, and I think I have HSV-2 orally and genitally. I'm a wreck, I don't know what to do.

I told my partner and she's forgiven me, but I cannot forgive myself.

I feel as if I ruined my family. My daughter is young, and my partner is pregnant. How do I operate as a father with the anxiety of spreading this to my children and my partner?

I cannot get tested yet for a few days yet. I'm on day 18 of the contact.

The day after (a few hours after contact) I started feeling unwell. My urination burned but that has since subsided. But that same day, a red bump appeared on my scrotum. That night I could not sleep because I felt feverish and my scrotum and lips were tingling (my first major worry of herpes). A couple very small white dots appeared on my lips, but haven't gotten any bigger. There's also a ball-ish thing in my lip as well, it looks kind of sore-ish (this all happened in the first couple days).

Since then, I've had a sore throat and body aches, and just generally don't want to get out of bed. I don't know if it's because of lack of sleep or what. Like I said, I fully intend on testing when I get home.

But is this the end for me? Will I ever be able to be a good father and husband again? My partner is my rock, I made a terrible mistake and I cannot express how guilty I am for it. I'm so worried that I will give it to my kids.

Someone please help me.

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[950]
May 16

I see people say get tested and in my first few days here I felt like it was a blow. I wanted more support but honestly it was the best advice given. Just going through the weeks of uncertainty has been brutal on my mental state. While I dont have the results yet I feel more in control. Like soon ill be in a position to make decisions, prepare and find means to cope with the outcome. Ive felt alot of strength from that and I hope you can too.

If your wife or partner can forgive you, then you can find a way to forgive yourself over time.

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[700]
May 16

Thanks, everyone. I'm really nervous though. Like a Trainwreck is just waiting around the corner when I get this news. It's the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last thing when I go to bed. I know it's unhealthy. Just terrified.

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[700]
May 16

@advicewelcome1 I'm praying it's something else as well.. but I'm not sure what else it would be. Thanks for the words of encouragement

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