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I just woke up two days ago with a lesion on the corner of m

I just woke up two days ago with a lesion on the corner of my lip. I haven’t been to the doctor yet but I know for a fact it’s HSV.. I’m finding it hard to find a will to keep on living.. in 18 and a freshman in college.. yesterday I left school early because I couldn’t bare the embarrassment and the loneliness I felt trying to hide and cower.. I feel empty and worthless. Everyone I’ve told said it’s not that big of a deal and it will go away and I’ll be fine but that just makes it worse because I don’t feel fine. The only thing that made things slightly better was when I told my boyfriend of two years and he told me that it’s okay and he’s going to be here and support me through it.. i have no idea how I got it honestly and I’ve never had a lesion like this before. I have had canker sores before though and a couple weeks ago I had one tiny bump on my lip but it looked more like a pimple and didn’t have any fluid.. idk if that counts. I’m so depressed and i can’t help but just cry sometimes.. my goal in life was to become a nurse and then a midwife but now I feel like that is shattered because how do you become a nurse knowing at some point you’ll have to show up to work with a lesion? Who wants to be treated by someone who has herpes.. to make things worse today my boyfriend had a whole new perspective to things that I honestly didn’t see coming .. when I told him the lesion has gotten bigger and I feel horrible his response was “ it breaks me to know that I will forever have something because of you. And when I told him I was sorry and explained how this has ruined my life he told me he doesn’t care he just hates that he’s messed over in the end when all he’s done is be a good boyfriend to me... he doesnt have it though but he’s basically guilting me that since he’s staying with me now he has to have it for the rest of his life.. I might just be losing the one person in my corner.. I’m not one to speak on myself but im a really pretty girl and always have been I’m y’all and skinny and i modeled for a while, I also do music and now all my world is crashing down because I don’t even want to leave my house.. I made all my next semester classes online to avoid coming to class just Incase whats worse is that for the past few years I’ve had really severe acne that I just recently started embracing and learning to manage because I can’t afford accutane.. and my lips were my one thing that Still made me feel pretty because I’m my eyes they were full and perfect and people always complimented me on them.. I already have adhd. I have anxiety. I come from an abusice home I’ve been sexually abused two times in my life.. I have no one really.. and ive just started feeling like my life is going to turn around since I’ve started college and really started coming into my own person and this has literally destroyed me in the 0.5 seconds that I looked in the mirror after getting home 2 days ago and seen it.. I’ve been treating it with abreva and i know I have to go to the doctor but I’m hesitant because I’ve gone to m doctor for years and we’re really close.. I just don’t know what the point anymore.. I’ve lost a baby. Been abused. Never fit in and I always survived somehow but now.. I’m not so sure.. how do I go on? How do I live with this? I’m sorry if I’m rambling and everything is all over the place. I’m just a mess and I’m scared and alone and I can’t even focus on school or think about my future like I used to.. I look in the mirror today and I have no clue who I am and I have no desire to be anyone.. I’m broken.. I’m empty and I’m so so hurt.. I know that so many people have this but why me ? I had so much already going on in my life.. so many odds against me and I kept going but this isn’t temporary.. this will never go away. I don’t know how I will date or make friends or do anything and will always be plagued with the fear of getting a lesion.. I can’t even be stressed because that will give me one !! I don’t know what to do or how to react or anything..

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[155]
Nov 8

Wow thank you both so much.. I have felt so alone in this and I hesitated to become apart of this support group but I really appreciate the feedback.. i know it will take me a while to get out of this initial funk but I’m not going to stop pursuing school and I’m going to go see my doctor.. as for whether or not it’s herpes i know because they formed like tiny fluid blisters in the corner of my mouth 2 days ago and then they turned yellow and now they’re starting to shed and are all crackly and I can’t open my mouth very wide, it feels like something is always leaking out of it and even though I have no pain it’s a constant tingly sensation...

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a_survivor's picture
[65060]
Nov 9

@Smallerthanlife
Your learning journey begins now. Take notes as your journey continues to empower you for the future!

good luck!

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[970]
Nov 10

Try lysine right on it

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