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Hi guys! New here. Sooo I just was recently diagnoses with h

Hi guys! New here. Sooo I just was recently diagnoses with hsv and it feels like my life is over. I got it from someone who didn’t know he had it... he was extremely sorry, but the damage has been done. And I’m so scared to tell anyone.. that’s why I’m here

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[235]
Sep 10

@Smurphy Thank you for this, I needed it. Can you tell me how you brought it up? I was diagnosed 3 months ago, caught it from someone random. I've had many opportunities since getting diagnosed with guys I am dating but always shut them down or say I am on my period because I am too ashamed to bring it up. I know everyone says if you're with the right person they will understand but the thought of 1. disclosing to them and 2. having someone know that information and being able to do whatever they want with it, scares me so much. I have so much anxiety about dating with herpes and not even about anything else related to it anymore. I don't understand how I am supposed to have a normal sex life, with oral and foreplay, while trying to be conscientious of not passing it along or giving it my partner in a different area such as his mouth. Do you have any guidance on what has worked for you?!

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[140]
Sep 11

Everything you are feeling is normal. And it is ok and it will be ok. I promise you. I can tell you what worked for me...I left a 5 year relationship that my ex did not want to end. On my way out, he told me he had been cheating. Although hurt, I never in a million years would have anticipated getting herpes. Almost a year later I had my first breakout. I hadn’t been dating for that entire time. Coincidentally, when I found out...I had just met a wonderful man who I knew I wanted to develop a relationship with. We hadn’t been intimate yet, but things were headed that way and I wanted them to! But I had this thing and I was also a nervous wreck and scared and feeling all the feelings you are having now. Who would want to be with me? Would I ever have a satisfying sex life again? So for me I knew that I cared enough about this guy to tell him, for me I felt I had to, because I wouldn’t want anyone to find out the way I did. I wanted him to be the one to make that decision. So I found the H Opportunity and there is a one page fact sheet that I used when I told him. I practiced for a long time until I could say it without crying...bc if YOU tell it in a matter of fact way without shame or guilt then the news is easier to deliver and easier for your partner to see what herpes is...a skin condition. It’s not Ebola!! :).
I said to him that I felt very close to him and I was happy that we were getting to know each other and the way our relationship was developing and I felt I could be vulnerable and share my feelings with him. I told him that I had been diagnosed with herpes and that I had one breakout and that I now take Valtrex daily as a suppressant which reduces outbreaks and transmission. I paused after each thing and asked if he had questions. I explained the facts and we went over the sheet together. He thanked me and told me I was brave for telling him and he appreciated the fact that I cared enough to tell him. He said that he was going to get a full STD panel...which came back negative for herpes. Yet this is just a non-issue with him, and we enjoy a full and mutually satisfying sex life. Once I told him, the weight, the feelings of shame and guilt were lifted from my shoulders. I have not had any additional breakouts but i am intune with my body and I’m able to communicate with him openly about H and everything else for that matter.

This was long. sorry! If you would like to support each other I’d be happy to.

You WILL work thru this and you will disclose and you will feel better for having done so.

Ironically the one thing that I felt in the beginning could make me powerless has proven to make me POWERFUL!

Be kind to yourself. There is no fault, shame, or guilt necessary. This is a teeny tiny blip in the big picture of your full and happy life!! :)

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[235]
Sep 15

@Smurphy thank you for sharing. Such a huge help. I would love to support each other. While everyone in this group is amazing, it’s nice to connect with people who can help with your specific questions and you’re definitely one - thank you! :)

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