Hi Everyone, I apologize in advance for this long entry

Hi Everyone,

I apologize in advance for this long entry as I have a lot I need to get off my chest. I found out I have herpes this past May. I have not talked to you all since I realized I needed to tell the two guys I had recently been with. It took me forever but I finally found the courage to tell the 2 possible guys that gave it to me. One of the guys I had to send an anonymous text to because he was not being very nice to me and I couldn't imagine the emotion damage he could cause. The second guy I have been seeing for about a year now but we were not exclusive and he did not take me seriously.. as he is not ready to be "tied down" yet (insert eye roll here).

He started flirting with me and sexting me like he would typically do... and my mind lost itself and the first time in forever - I felt beautiful again. Of course this was only before I told him the news. I felt like I was just a horrible person lurking in the shadows with bad news. The longer I waited the worst it got and the suspense was eating me alive. I knew in my heart he deserved to hear it from me and the women out there sleeping with him too deserved to have the chance to know if he decides to tell them. He took the news surprisingly well and didn't get angry with me. Instead he said I did the right thing by telling him. He got so upset I think I made him cry... I have never made a guy cry before. I then heard him take a bath because he was so upset by the news which I thought was adorable yet at the same time did he just feel so dirty he had to bathe? I try not to think like that now but I couldn't help but think of that. He told me he would be there for me if I ever needed to talk.
Later that afternoon I brought him food because I know I didn't eat for about 2 weeks straight. He said he would get tested right away and let me know the results... It has now been 3 weeks and no news. I checked on him every day just a few texts to make sure he was okay (I did not think this was clingy but maybe I am wrong and I am a stage 10 clinger now). I went to an extremely dark place and if it was not for my mom I would have committed suicide. Dating was my life and entertainment now I obviously have to find new things... anyway - I wanted to make sure he is okay even though we all handle things in our own way. He has completely pushed me away and told me he needs space and has reassured me that we are still friends. 3 weeks though!??! Doesn't it take 3 days for blood results to come back?! This is eating me alive. How long do you all think it will take for him to tell me?!?! and when he does tell me do you think he will be truthful about the results???

He said just give me space - "you have had 1 or 2 months to tell me and you took the time you needed." This I feel is different because its not like he is approaching me without me knowing I have it or what the conversation is about. Then again I do understand because once you tell someone your whole life kind of changes and it becomes real. I asked if we were still friends and he was like well its not like we talked everyday to begin with you just need to relax and as much as I want to be there for you I can't. All I need is for him to lightly support me and I am not getting that and that is reallyyyy hurting me to the core. I've put my heart on a platter and told him how I feel about him and now I wish I hadn't. I am convinced he is the one who gave this to me and for me to still basically love him says a lot and then to be rejected is just the most heart-wrenching feeling. I just want things to be different. I keep hoping that one day he will realize that he should try to exclusively date me because I am worth it and he has admitted that we have off the charts, undeniable chemistry and enjoys hanging out with me.

***My mom and him are the only two that know. Have any of you told your friends? Did you feel Better after you did? or did having someone know create more stress since this is such a negatively stigmatized condition? How do you know when you can really trust someone with such vulnerable news like this? Please share your experiences with me because I am feeling so alone right now. I have never been this depressed in my entire life.

Again I am sorry for my long message but I really need the support from you all because as amazing as my mom is it's just not enough right now and I need you all.

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@lisajd thank you for sharing that painful story. I can only imagine what that must have felt like. It's really painful knowing that I can't change my + status but I also can't change who I am to make someone like me. Haha I learned that's only a temporary fix which is obvious. I hope one day I will be as strong as you are to let it go with such dignity and grace. My first rejection was an absolute train-wreck (on my end) I lost all self control so it will only go up from here.

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[172305]
Jul 13

I think over the years I have learnt to harden up so that I deal with rejection better in the past I have been a Trainwreck like you have no idea and I think that just comes through being able to better deal with life through experience. And I guess it also depends on the extent that you have feelings and how things ended as to how much it impacts you the last guy I was with I don't have any respect for him anymore so it has been a lot easier for me to move on even though I do miss him I don't miss being with him the way things were if that makes sense. And as you said you can't change your status what you need to do is focus on someone who will accept you with your status rather than on someone who won't. As a friend said to me to get over someone else you need to get under someone else lol

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@lisajd thank you for sharing bits and pieces of how this has impacted your dating life and the pain of rejection. I can already tell that there is going to be no tougher pain than to be rejected for something we can't change. I hope for us all that it doesn't happen often and I'm grateful for this site for when it does happen to us so we are here for each other.
The one time I followed that advice I ended up with the best sex of my life and eventually +. Joy. This sure has made me into a stronger person than I could have ever imagined. I look up to you all it takes a lot out of me and it must do the same to you all. If not haha please tell me your secret!

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