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November 19th, 2020

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Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and i

Hello,

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and it is my first serious relationship. We've been struggling when it comes to sex. He is able to cum pretty much every single time. Meanwhile I've only barely came 3 times at most in the past year. We have sex a lot so it's barely even 1% of the time that I will. I even struggle to get pleasure from it. It will feel okay, kind of like the pleasure from getting a shoulder rub, or in a men's perspective, if they were to just have their balls rubbed. Like sure, it feels okay but it's so far from actual sexual pleasure.
For a long time we never discussed it much. He was aware I wasn't cumming and didn't seem to think much of it/care. I finally started pressing on the fact that it bothered me. I eventually got myself some toys to use during sex. I still can't really enjoy it much. We discussed how I felt like he didn't care much and he apologized for the insensitivity and has since then been more aware of it and wants to help me enjoy it but I still can't seem to enjoy it like I should. I also don't think he fully understands how frustrating it is after so long. It'd be like if we had sex when he only had a partial *****, then I got came, and that was it. I'm really frustrated and starting to have anxiety over it. Sex just makes me sad after because he'll say he enjoyed it so much the whole time meanwhile I barely felt pleasure. He feels bad like it's his fault and I feel like something is wrong with me. Him feeling bad makes me not want to/not know how to bring it up.

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PathOfDiscovery's picture
[90]
Jul 13

There is a book called Sexual Intelligence. It has helped me understand more about sexuality and how we tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves to perform during sex rather than just enjoy sex. You might read it and see if it helps. I would also suggest the two of you trying masterbation as a couple, it can be very educational for you and your partner. Being able to see how your partner touches themselves teaches what they like and can be a huge turn on.

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[495]
Nov 4

Can you climax on your own? Then teach him how to touch you like you touch yourself. And if he can't do it with his tool, have him use his mouth. Stop worrying about it so much, that just makes it worse. Just communicate and don't feel bad. Eventually you will build up trust and commitment and it will happen. Women need their emotional needs met to become aroused, men just need the physical needs.

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[40]
Nov 21

Is it sex you are doing or loving each other? There's a big difference.

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