A friend, Jacob, committed suicide this year. I really blame

camohusky's picture
[1240]

A friend, Jacob, committed suicide this year. I really blame myself for that. I should have been their for him. I should have been able to see how bad it really was and stepped in. I should have been able to save him. People tell me that there was nothing I could have done. I repeat those words to myself. I just don't believe it. What I believe is it's my fault.

I wish I could go back and change things. I wish that I had more time with him. I want more time with him than I was given. I want to be able to sit in my science class with him again. I want to laugh all class long. I want to fight with him for stupidest reasons. I want so much more.

I hate it. I hate that he's gone. I hate that I did nothing. I hate myself for not being able to help him.

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Theloved's picture
[126010]
Sep 12

Sounds like in school you were good friends, however...what goes on once we go home is sometimes a well hidden nightmare! It certainly was for me. It's not your fault. God only knows what he was dealing with. Could you tell me about him?

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[3860]
Sep 12

Don't blame yourself. He had those intentions and nobody could convince him otherwise. It's not your fault.

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camohusky's picture
[1240]
Sep 12

@Theloved I realize I didn't mention that I have been in that place myself where I have thought about committing suicide. I believe that's why I am blaming myself because I know what it's like. I hate I didn't see that he was wearing a mask just like I have.

Jacob was this kind soul. He couldn't make joke per say but had his own way of making people laugh. He smiled a lot. He was sassy sometimes, especially when I called him by his nickname. He was so smart. He was just a friend to people

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