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I'm confused and hurting. I came out to my wife in October o

I'm confused and hurting. I came out to my wife in October of last year. We have been married over 2 decades and are still together. I broke through my denial within the last 2 years and admitted to myself that I am gay. I acted on my feelings and cheated on my wife without her knowing for 1 year and 4 months. I hated being untruthful and found it very stressful, so I told her privately that I'm gay. I have continued to see my boyfriend who has lived with a girlfriend over 20 years, but my wife knows about it and his girlfriend does not. Neither of us has any children. My wife is in therapy and went a few times but it was expensive and not very productive. I don't know how or when I fell in love with my boyfriend, but I did not stop loving my wife. She is a wonderful woman, very accomplished, but has low self-esteem. I didn't set out to hurt her, but I know I did. My boyfriend says he does not want to come out to his girlfriend until after his parents die. His parents are in their 90's, in poor health, and do not know he is gay. Needless to say, my wife hates my boyfriend and vice versa. I feel they both really love me. I love both of them. She often leaves when not working because she likes to travel and so that I can see him privately. It's always bad when she returns. She wants intimate details of what I did with him sexually. I feel bad telling her, but she forces it until I do. I can't take it any longer, I'm thinking of saying good bye to him for good. It makes me sad, but I think she will be better. She says he is not right for me because he is of a lower socio-economic status. She says she would prefer for me to see someone else. I don't know if that's really true. I made a mess. I'm sorry. No mater what I do now, I will hurt someone. What should I do? I know I went about exploring my attraction to men the wrong way, but to late to fix that now. I do have regrets. I wish I had been honest with her about my attraction to men before acting on my feelings, but I can't unring the bell.

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norseduncan's picture
Apr 15

socioeconomic status doesn't mean a thing when it comes to relationships. he is right for you if it feels right for you. this is a very tough situation to solve, and you are the best person to solve it because you are up in it. I don't know that I would let him go if I was happy with him. and I dont think your wife has any say, given the situation. she cant tell you she would prefer you see someone else. think about this long and hard, and make the best choice for you. :-)

Apr 17

@searchingforadvice i supported you so that we could talk privately, and sent you a message, but it is gone. Maybe you deleted it somehow because you were not interested in talking, or maybe i did not send it. But trying again. Would like to talk please


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