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For awhile now I've been feeling down. Like everything we ar

[7530]

For awhile now I've been feeling down. Like everything we are trying to rebuild is a waste of time. I finally figured it out. He is trying but the ghosts of the past are always on my mind. Reminding me that I felt this way once before and it was all a big lie. That when I caught him, I didn't get remorse I got lies, denial and anger. So now that he appears to be trying, I feel guarded that it will all happen again. I have also realized my sadness, I'm mourning the relationship I thought I had that will never be. The one where I believed and trusted 100%. No matter how much we try, I know that 100% will never be achieved again. I feel this loss as though it was the death of a good friend. I don't know if this is part of healing or not or if it's just another stage to go through. (No Mr Brains I'm not ready to leave so I don't need the negative.)

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[330]
Mar 18

@SexAddictVictim I am sorry that he feels that way. I wish I could get my H to go to SAA. He has his reasons not to (that truly are legitimate) and has started general therapy and is looking for a sex therapist specifically, but I have my doubts whether that’s enough for him.

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Kas1966's picture
[122280]
Mar 18

@Bauer when you support someone on the site and they support you back then you can private message

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Loveovercomes's picture
[1445]
Mar 19

@Bauer I certainly understand. It really humbles me seeing how addiction affects all of the people who care about the person who is addicted. At first, in my recovery, after my life abruptly haulted and the lying and manipulating came to a head, I felt so much shame and fear. I kept asking myself... why do I keep going back to the same thing that is destroying me! Why can't I simply be happy with the life that I have? I have a house, cars, great job, beautiful children, I go to church every Sunday, I have a wife who loves me .... Yet I simply can't stop looking at pornography... day and night, sex consumed my every free moment and even moments that weren't free. It interrupted my life in so many ways. I couldn't get a full nights sleep because the dreams were SO intense. I would wake up thinking "Oh my God, this is the moment where my wife asks me what I was dreaming about, because I said something in my sleep" It was a never ending cycle of please-shame-emptiness-pleasure-shame-emptiness.

I'm here to tell you that there is freedom... It is not easy to make the choice to tell the people in your life about the things that are happening inside you. About the constant struggle, sex addicts deal with labels, the people who stick by them because they see who the person really is deal with labels. See sex is a way that we learned to cope with our struggles, it was our escape from reality... We couldn't face the truth. Others have learned different strategies. You know what I think the biggest addiction is? Silence. We force ourselves to suffer our misery, we face those demons in our head with silence. Silence breeds negativity. No i'm not talking about yelling and screaming, i'm talking about being vulnerable. In order to heal, we have to know where our injuries lie, deep down in the root of the cause. I think once you open up and let the healing begin you will find that mending is an option and love is the medicine you need. It takes someone brave enough to say "I'm not ok, but I want to be. Can you help me?"

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