Looking for some advice. Any at this point. I have completel

Looking for some advice. Any at this point. I have completely dedicated myself to helping and supporting my girlfriend with BPD only to be physically affected myself with mental and verbal abuse and now riddled with ulcers. She spins out and then apologizes profusely blaming an episode but then continues just hours later. I find myself apologizing for things that have not even happened. I ask her to please stop being cruel only to have her throw threats of harm in my face. This makes me panic. I try to reach out and ease the situation and validate her then get sentences back saying "I am devastated by you, but I love you and cannot live without you." Then the cruelty continues. When does it become too much. I myself am starting to feel like the most awful human on the planet and I know this not to be true. When does it become too much? For the safety of you both? When I am suffering she calls it laughable and insists everything with her is worse and I am making it about myself. Like a competition. I usually hide everything and keep it from her. I cannot share with her because it is taken as a personal attack and I only care about myself. I am tired, sick, and really at a loss as to what to do. After 7 months of biweekly 10 hour trips to see her I had to cancel and she said it was because I hate her, it was snow.....she has yet to forgive me and I am not sure how to get her to understand I am the good guy. It's tiring to say the least.

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I really feel for you, I can hear how exhausted and exasperated this is making you - something I can totally understand. It's so so so so hard when you know how much you care and want to support, but not only can they not see it - they actively create terrible illusions of things you've done or said.

I hope you can stay strong and look after yourself. As everyone keeps telling me - you can't change anyone else, only they can change themselves.

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WilliamJoe's picture
[2220]
Feb 13

I dislike BPD also. I know how you feel. I am so exhausted from my daughters histrionics. I love her so much but (and there is the but) someone has to take the blame. Things just can't be.

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B1976's picture
[130]
Feb 14

I am holding hope out that maybe one day my dedication, loyalty, patience, and understanding outweighs any demons that may be messing with their mind. I am very aware they cannot help it, it is something they struggle with but it is also something they can try to work against even in the littlest ways with love and support and really good therapy.

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