In crisis mode with my wife again today. We have had about 4

heath_minusly's picture
[405]

In crisis mode with my wife again today. We have had about 4 hours of intense discussions over the last two days, last night and this morning, about the relationship. She is very unhappy and unfulfilled by my actions and lack of actions. She continues to say we are not meant for each other and we are a square peg and round hole. We just want different things and that's ok she said. She said If I stick around I am preventing her from finding happiness.

I finally said I could see that..and while I wish we could work it out she has convinced me it will not work. Now she is spiraling and emotional. She said she cannot believe I agreed and did not keep fighting. I always hurt her and now she said she thinks she wants to hurt herself. She cannot even look at me she says.

I work at home and am trying to do my job and I am the only source of income. I am actually on a conference call trying to mute in between her comments. I told her as calmly as possible that I am sorry she is feeling like this and I can talk to her again when I am done working. We spent a lot of time talking recently and now I need to focus on work a little bit. She left the room in tears...not sure what she is doing now.

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[61885]
Apr 14

So she was in hopes perhaps that you might try to see things her way?

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heath_minusly's picture
[405]
Apr 16

@Ducktape, this incident it felt like she was testing me again. I often feel tested in our relationship. She spent lots of time explaining why we do not belong together. She told me that I will never be what she needs in a relationship because even if I do the things she needs flawlessly it was because she complained and not because I wanted to do them on my own.

After several hours of this....and no this is not the first time either...I finally say "ok, you win". I need to go back to work and this is not going anywhere...I'll leave. Then she starts getting very emotional and cannot help but to follow me around and make comments on how I should have fought harder. So to me it feels like she wants me to be a different person. If I would just think like she wanted me to, not just act but truly believe it, we would not have these problems.

Oh and since this day I posted we have made up and seem to be back on track. She promised not to tell me to move out again and I promised to be more attentive. This is the cycle of my last two decades...great->terrible->great->terrible->great.

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