Hello all. First post here. I think my wife has BPD or depre

Hello all. First post here. I think my wife has BPD or depression, I am not certain yet. I am here to get some support and ideas on how to deal with these issues. Also maybe someone will point out that these are not BPD or depression.

1. With the family she is always quiet and stays off on her own. As soon as an outsider calls to comes over she is the chirpiest gal.
2. Also on us about tasks. No relationship unless she needs something from me like money or going to visit her parents.
3. Cheers up for a little bit when spends money.
4. Is never wrong! And will never see my side of things.
5. When confronted (nicely) with any of this becomes defensive and shuts you out.

I am so saddened by this. I married her cause she is beautiful and educated and from a good family. But 4 months into the marriage I started noticing these things. My heart cries when I think of what could have been had she been able to connect with me and the kids.

Thanks for listening. Looking forward to some words of wisdom from your own experience.

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mmadlecl's picture
Apr 7

@zee4ward and exitspeed zee4ward you are so right. NPD, BPD and sociopaths (anti social) have overlapping traits. There have similarities and differences. I don't know much about BPD but I know plenty about NPD. I know that people with NPD and BPD are similar in that they can't regulate their emotions. Sociopaths are very similar to NPD. I considered that my ex might be a sociopath. He has many of the traits, lack of empathy, impulsiveness, can't be trusted, likes to fight (he beats up men at the drop of a pin). But the differences between them are that people with NPD lack self esteem. They are abusive to raise their self esteem. Sociopaths don't have low self esteem. They can regulate emotions. They see the world differently and come at you in different ways so they can get control. Their communication patterns aren't the same. I feel that people who are with narcissists can go on to meet a sociopath and will not know. I took a hard look since I want to be able to protect myself and don't ever want this to happen to me again.

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Foundlove's picture
Apr 7

I think best to suggest her get counseling to have her see professional. It’s hard to figure out what somebody has but what you described kind of reminds me of narcissist by how she reacts harshly to criticism. Is this new changes or she’s always been like this? Sorry your going through all this... it’s not something you have to do to change her, it’s something she has to want to change, realize it’s problem and then get help. I think best thing is talk to her about how much it’s affecting you and your relationship with her. Keep the conversation towards how it makes you feel... not too much you do this, you do that. There’s something called assertive communication that may help you get your point across without her getting too offensive

Apr 9

As others have mentioned BPD and NPD are in the same family of personality disorders known as "Cluster B". Google it. There are 4 disorders in that family and they are all quite similar in terms of the characteristics. My ex had so many symptoms of the 4 disorders, I gave up on trying to pinpoint what exactly she had. It didn't matter.....she's 1000% narcissistic, and beyond that, it didn't really matter to me. I knew I had to get out.

As far as therapy, it almost certainly won't work. It definitely won't work with a regular counselor/therapist. If you were to suggest therapy, she would somehow likely use it to her advantage. She will sharpen her manipulative skills through the therapist....she will use the therapist to pull sympathy from....she may play along if she knows you're unhappy and appear to be trying in order to keep you, but it would probably be nothing more than a trick.


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