Well, I am finally doing it. My husband and I have had probl

Elizabeth.Fathke's picture

Well, I am finally doing it. My husband and I have had problems with infidelity and addiction since we were dating (though I didn’t know it at the time). It would have been our 7 year dating anniversary tomorrow but now I’m filling out divorce paperwork. I gave him March to try to turn around and on March 1st he got his stimulant prescription and started chatting and making profiles on dating sites. We got a new counselor and started working on it or trying to. I threw my all into it because I wanted to feel like I was trying to move forward. On March 29th we had a counseling session where I spelled out that Drug, infidelity, and not attending his weeklong ARP meetings were deal breakers. That same day, he picked up his adderal and started abusing it while watching our boy. I asked him about it on Tuesday and he lied to me, and skipped his meeting. On April 2nd he was back on dating sites and chatting, but he denies it, even though I saw it all. My heart is so heavy and I printed out the paperwork but there is so much of it. I want this to be over but he is fighting about everything now. Saying I owe him money from a ring we just ordered for me together (a remake of the wedding ring to help me move on) and I owe him his paycheck from the beginning of the month that was spent on bills. It’s just killing mr because with our baby boy involved I know it can take at least 6 months if not longer depending on if we go to trial. I have to meet with a lawyer on Monday and it’s killing me that this is where we are now. How do I stay strong and keep going? My son and I might loose the apartment because we won’t qualify on my income right now and I am struggling.

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Apr 7

You are doing all the right things. He is reacting because you have been setting boundaries and are sticking to them. With a son it must make it extremely difficult to give yourself distance. There is some kind of app that you can send only necessary messages to a co-parent. I have heard some people only email and stuck to the facts. Keep receipts and bills that he may owe you. I kept bank records showing all the money he spent on pot so that I could legally keep the stimulus check. Records are really important if he’s going to fight you. I’ve found a reminder of those often shuts my ex up. Sending you hugs and strength to get through this!

dtay's picture
Apr 8

I understand. Feeling the same way. It's tough, take it easy on yourself, give yourself time. It's a shock to the system and sometimes when we face our previous problems and deal with them, in the new situation there will be time needed for adjustment and after everything you've gone through it is normal to feel overwhelmed. Time is the magic wand. Take care.

eddie1975's picture
Apr 8

My divorce from three years ago was a catastrophe and still is. It was financially devastating, but I have a friend who just got divorced last year and his isn't half as bad. It all depends on the level of cooperation between the two of you. You don't even have to waste money on an attorney if you both are willing to compromise. Instead of getting an attorney check with the court to see if you can just hire a moderator. My attorney cost me $10,000 and hers was even more but the whole time we could have just hired a court appointed moderator for $500.


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