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Question, I have a daughter, age 15 and a son 12. my wife ju

[170]

Question, I have a daughter, age 15 and a son 12. my wife just ask for a divorce but we still stay together.
My daughter will leave for university (oversea) in 15 months (so I try to stay here till then)
both of them prefer to stay home and spend times with their mobile phone.
this could be the very last year of us as a family, I work till 6, what could I do to connect with them?

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[170]
Feb 15

@dtay
I decide that I will move out, yesterday was valentine day, she just ditch our kids and went on a date with her new boyfriend. it hurts...no matter how I try, it still hurts.
This house belongs to her dad, and today, he ask me to pay rent on top of all the kids and house expenses...or get out.
my friend who live nearby offer me a room and told me to get out of this house...I need to get out.
but when I told my son, he cry and doesn't want me to leave...so I don't know...should I go and find my happiness at the cost of my kids?

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I am sorry for the situation that you are in, Dkjojoe. It is difficult but there are a few things you might be able to do. It might be harder to reconnect with your wife than your kids, so consider tackling the easier problem first. I would not touch the router because they will resent you and back away from you even more. You need to find a way for them to put the devices down voluntarily and spend time together before they disappear from your life. There’s a book called “The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers” by Gary Chapman at http://bit.ly/2GuKTZV which helps the reader to identify what kinds of things or activities are more meaningful to them. For example, if a kid’s main love language is quality time, giving him a gift is not as important as doing something together. Have you thought about taking them out to lunch or dinner more often (if you are not doing that yet). Many kids tend to put down the phone more in restaurants, though not totally. So, the most important thing I would say about your situation is to build that connection so that wherever they are they will know that they have a dad who cares for them and loves them.

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dtay's picture
[8875]
Feb 15

@DKjojoe No your kids come first, but perhaps may be you should take that room, so you are not under the emotional and financial stress you are facing now. Being away from the situation and emotional triggers helped me and I find from my new place, I can connect with my kids better and they know I love them. However, my kids are grown with girlfriends and families of their own. You can still find happiness and it doesn't have to be at the expense of the kids, you are still their father and make sure you let them know that no matter the situation you will be there for them.

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