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I need some advice, but here's the backstory to understand w

I need some advice, but here's the backstory to understand where I'm coming from.

My wife and I had a very rough go of things several years ago. My bipolar, anxiety, BPD, and grief were raging out of control. I was on the wrong meds and having horrible side effects from those as well. My grandfather (who was basically my father) passed away and I completely checked out from life. I was on a rapid downward spiral of self destructiveness. There was a lot of misusing my prescribed pain meds and infedility.
We moved past that and were working on our relationship. We loved each other, but of course things were strained and the hurt was still fresh. I was still not ok, and my wife was mostly my caregiver.

Our relationship is great now, and we're very happy thankfully.
The bad stuff was roughly in 2011-2014.
This was back in 2015 when we were working on things.

I found out that in 2015 my wife had posted an ad on Craigslist W4M personals. She obviously was flooded with messages. She communicated with a couple of them. One person in particular the chatted all the way up to discussing meeting up during lunchtimes. I don't know if they ever met up. I don't think they did. I believe it got up to the point of him trying to set an actual day/time and she stopped responding. The messages were her talking about how she was always "on" and having to be a caregiver, and she just needed some time to herself where attention could be about her. And I completely understand that.
She isn't aware that I know about this.

I'm not sure if I should bring it up and talk to her about it. It bugs me, but at the same time, it doesn't. It only pops up in my mind every now and again.

Looking for pros and cons. Any advice would be appreciated.

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LivingNightmare's picture
Sep 11

The part where you said, "There was a lot of misusing my prescribed pain meds and infedility"
You cheated on her? And she found out? And she stayed? Is that right?

Sep 11

I am my husbands caregiver, he has a debilitating disease, he was going down hill fast and was depressed and basically gave up. He cheated with someone who has the same disease. He was selfish and was only think of his own needs. Being a caregiver is a very hard job, you are on call 24/7and most of the time it is an under appreciated job. I know for me after everything I did for my husband and sacrificed for him, to have him betray me was devastating. I thought about having a revenge affair but I am not that kind of person. Maybe your wife needed someone to make her feel loved and wanted. This happened a long time ago, if I were you I would count my blessings and be thankful your wife forgave you and do not rock the boat. Do you think that her talking to other men compares to what you did? I say leave it alone.

Sep 12

The fact she put up an ad on craiglists, whatever the reason is a red flag.


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