Hi, I have partner who sufferers from ED. Intially i thought

Hi, I have partner who sufferers from ED. Intially i thought it was a physically problem as he didnt exercise or eat well. Changes and diet and exercise did help but its still a problem. It usually was the issue of staying up and took a while to get hard but now with great efforts its not happen. i feel awful as when he sleeps i can see his erections so know its not a physical problem. Knowing that it isnt physical make me feel like there is a problem with me. Can anyone help? He has tried therapy and viagra, i am loosing strength and confidence supporting him.

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JB2021's picture
(325)
Jan 25

Is he in any way open about discussing it?

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JB2021's picture
(325)
Jan 25

Spadaz, I am just one or so steps ahead of your husband. I am currently trying different options working my way up the ladder so to speak, to see what is going to work for me. Let me start by sharing that my wife is the most beautiful person I see. Her body turns me on and her amazing personality just bolsters my want and desire for her. Now her image of herself is far from how I see her. We have 4 kids, and she had a fight with cancer several years back that took her thyroid from her. This gland regulates any and all chemicals in a persons body. Needless to say no matter how hard she tries, and she has........ She cannot lose weight or seem to get a hold of her hormones. So as you can see her self image is poor to begin with and now that physically I am not working... its a recipe for disaster. Today is our 18th wedding anniversary, and if I could give her any gift in the world, it would be for her to see herself through my eyes. Then she would truly know how beautiful she is. I only share this because I truly believe it is pertinent with what you are experiencing. I can without question attest to this, and I am sure all men on here would agree, There is both a physical and psychological side to EVERY ED issue. Some are more minor on one side and more pronounced on the other. There is truly nothing more frustrating then wanting to be intimate ( sexually, I say that because I know there are other types of intimacy that aren't sexual). Anyway there is nothing more frustrating then wanting my wife sexually in every sense, but physically my body won't respond. This creates severe anxiety for me and ultimately shuts me down for days. Which in turn stops me from enjoying the non sexual intimacy that I truly love to have with my wife ( holding hands, rubbing her feet, wrapping my arms around her from behind and surprising her with a close hug) You see in my mind all these things have the potential to lead to sexual intimacy, and the fact that I am pretty sure I am not going to physically function and in turn she will be hurt,( cause she thinks its her) stops me from doing these things. Even though he may not be talking to you about it, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE know what an important role you play here, and it has NOTHING to do with your looks or his desire for you. He is feeling like less of a man, he truly desires you, but feels terrible when he in his eyes, lets you down again, because he knows you think its you. Be as supportive as you can, and stand at his side. Reassure him you understand how normal this is, and how many men are affected by it. I love the analogy presented by bob about the paraplegic. That is so accurate. In the end he will find his resolve and answer on how to fix this. That's his part, he must be strong and invest in himself. If for any other reason than to show you.... just how much he loves, adores and is turned on by you. Its NOT YOU.... He needs you, ... but he also needs to put int he work and find his resolution. Thank You for posting on here and please don't hesitate to share your frustrations. Your posts have helped me to understand my wife's perspective... for that I Thank You. I look forward to chatting down the line. Should you need anything.... we are here !

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(70)
Jan 30

Thanks so much. I know reassurance is key and sometimes we can get lost supporting our partners. As much as we stay strong we come become drained and loose energy. These can be bad days so I know it’s ok not to try to be strong and just be open and honest. I can see there is so much love in your relationship and that will always win. Hearing you story is very helpful and makes me hopeful. Your strength and loyalty is admirable. You wife sounds very special and I wish you both all the best. Thanks so much for your help xx

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