I've been NC with him since April. He's attempted to reach o

[2640]

I've been NC with him since April. He's attempted to reach out once or twice, but I've blocked him and closed up any seams he might get through when he did. Friday morning I woke up in a bad mood. Not angry. Just feeling heavy and weighted down. The feeling escalated in to a full manic episode. I was up all night crying Saturday night.

Sunday morning I went to brunch, and the friend who introduced me to him saw I was in her neighborhood via snapchat. She told me she needed to speak to me and so I went over to her house. She told me that he came over Thursday night to help her look for something, and that she mentioned me and he got very upset. He doesn't understand why I disappeared. He's hurt that I blocked him on everything and vanished without a trace. It's been detrimental to his life. He's only with his girlfriend because I vanished. He loves me. He loves my daughter. He wanted to be with me. He was only mean to me because it bothered him how much I let people's words get to me and he wanted me to toughen up. He just wants to be around me. He loves his girlfriend but he misses me. He would have been with me if I hadn't disappeared. Everything he said about not seeing a future with me because I can't have more children was because he was mad I was talking to another guy AFTER he told me he'd NEVER be with me.

The friend suddenly switched from "Don't ever talk to him again" to "I really think you two need to sit down and talk. You need closure." She told me she understands he hurt me but they grew up together and she understands why he is the way he is. His mom abused him, her mom abused him. He was happy with me and I was the first woman who was good to him and he didn't know how to handle it so he pushed me out. I tried to leave at one point and she got between me and the door. I was screaming and crying like I haven't done in YEARS.

He's extended an olive branch of sorts, something he knows I want. He took my daughter's toy once because he felt I was letting her get away with too much. A toy she's had since the day she was born. He knows I want it for sentimental value and he wants to give it back.

I can't stop thinking about him. I'm miserable. I know I can never be in contact with him again or the cycle will start all over. I know it's a ploy. He has a girlfriend, what the hell does he want with me?

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Jennipain's picture
[453810]
Sep 12

He wants to control you and abuse you since he feels he can. I would stay away and not listen to anyone at this point.

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[2640]
Sep 13

@Jennipain I'm trying to keep that in my mind. I've suddenly had people who begged me to stay away from him flip completely to "Well, maybe it would hurt less if you talked to him, maybe it would be better than what you're going through now. Maybe he's willing to do what he needs to do to fix himself."

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Jennipain's picture
[453810]
Sep 13

@HashtagOverIt Don't do it stay away.

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