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I'm so sick of everyone in my family treating me like a huma

I'm so sick of everyone in my family treating me like a human garbage can. Sorry if this turns out to be very long, I just need to get it off my chest. I'm currently 17 and just graduated my junior year of high school, while my sister is 20 (and is home because of the pandemic). My mother is an extreme narcissist who has emotionally abused and manipulated me and my sister for years (and is the type of person to blow up and yell over any minuscule thing) while my dad is completely passive and tells us that we should be 'old enough to ignore it'. Me and my sister are very close but because of recent events I've realized that we have a toxic relationship. I play piano and take my lessons virtually for now, but recently my teacher got very mad at me and started yelling at me- because of this, I started having a panic attack and started playing worse, which made her angrier. Afterwards I broke down crying and my sister started mocking me and telling me to stop making everything up to get sympathy and make everything about myself. Just last night, she called me into her room to play a video game w/ her, but her computer broke down temporarily. I tried calming her down, but she started hitting me and screaming at me awful names and pointing out a lot of really personal insecurities about myself. I just kept telling her to go to bed as she wasn't stable, but she kept screaming at me. Because of this incident, I had an violent and humiliating dream and woke up at 5 am and broke down crying. This morning, my sister started treating me like everything was normal. Obviously, I didnt want to speak with her after how she treated me, but my sister kept insisting that I had no reason to be angry and that I'm extremely annoying. I asked her to apologize to me and she started laughing and mocking me and saying extremely fake 'sorrys'. I always thought that I could rely on my sister in my dysfunctional family but I just feel so alone. I just want to sleep and never leave my room so I dont have to deal with any of them ever again. I cant tell my parents about how shes treated me because they'll just make it much much worse.
Also, I've always known that my sister harbored some resentment towards me because while I am slightly skinny for my age, my sister has always been a little overweight. My mom always makes fun of her body which is completely not ok.

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[8165]
Jun 26

Hey Uyuyuo, glad you are here to vent and get some support. That's exactly the point for all of us. I am so sorry to hear about all this stress and dysfunction that you are dealing with at home. This extended time of families being together has definitely not brought out the best in many people. With everyone dealing with their own issues (or trying to deny them in some cases too), it seems like people snap pretty easily and things quickly escalate. It is so hard to find out that a person you trusted is not the person you thought. I'm sorry that you have discovered this with your sister. Maybe in the future you can work on restoring your relationship but right now she doesn't seem to be ready to accept her issues. And honestly having a narc mom, you will probably want to work with a counselor in the future to heal from those wounds.
For now, are you able to rely on friends or other people outside of your immediate family for conversation and support until things open up from the pandemic restrictions?

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[80]
Jun 28

Thank you for the reponse- unfortunately I'm not able to rely on anyone for support, mainly because I dont feel comfortable about talking about this with my friends and dont want to burden them. I've mainly turned to support groups such as these to at least not keep everything bottled up.

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[8165]
Jul 1

@Uyuyuo yep, I get that about not wanting to burden friends with things like this. So it is great that you are here to get supported! When school starts back up in the Fall you may want to reach out to your school counselor. They can refer you to the school counselor or make referrals to other local counseling services. I hope you will take that step because getting yourself emotionally healthy is important for all that is ahead of you in life!

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