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I'm not well. I haven't posted in a while because it hasn't

I'm not well. I haven't posted in a while because it hasn't happened in a while. My partner's behavior seems to be cyclical. It happens every summer (In July or August). He works every other weekend, this past weekend, I spent time with my friends on Friday evening and Saturday evening. I was home all day until about 4 (when he gets out of work). I was home by 10:00 both nights. I went to my nephews birthday party on Sunday afternoon and returned about 9:00. I was "scolded" and ridiculed because I was out "prancing around all weekend." The house and yard were very clean, we have groceries. I did drink Friday and Saturday but I did not "go to the bar" as he constantly accuses me of. He wants me to go to his parents house on Lake Huron (I live in Michigan) this weekend. I said that I will but I'm not comfortable spending the night (due to an incident which occurred last year). He again "scolded" me and told me that I was "already planning" on going to a music festival (I wasn't). He said that he would never go anywhere with me again, he would never see my friends, if I want to go on vacation I have to "drive myself there." Which I have been doing for years. There is no reason for me to go to his parents house, I'm thinking the object is control and "looking good" to his parents. He recently had a huge conflict with his mother, during this time I told him that I take his side and I agreed with what he was saying (I did agree). This was like 3 weeks ago. He told me "go and play with your little friends." I feel degraded and sad. I work full time and I'm trying to stay busy until 9 or 10 at night. Luckily, I have many interests and many friends who love me so it's easy. But I am exhausted. We live together, I'm not sure what to do. Last year and the year before that I left for a short time and it seemed to work. But why should I have to leave? It's my house too. I'm having problems focusing at work and it's becoming noticeable to others.

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 3
[98790]
Jul 13

Hi, have you considered couples therapy?

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[165]
Jul 15

Not a bad idea, but I'm a master's level social worker and I worked as a therapist for years. I see patterns of behavior. I recently looked up gaslighting and that is exactly what's happening. I was convinced that I was crazy. I'm not crazy. Thanks.

Reply
[575]
Jul 18

You are not crazy! Sometimes it is easier to control other peoples lives then our own and people take more control over time because they feel they don’t have control over their own lives. Kind of like a fear response. The fact that you recognize it is vital. It took me many years to recognize it in one specific relationship in my life. Have you brought all this up and out to him? If so and he still doesn’t respond then reevaluating things is a must. Abuse is never ok. Please know I am praying for you as you work through this. -Rachel

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