I am scared. I feel lonely. After growing up with an emotion

I am scared. I feel lonely. After growing up with an emotionally abusive mother, with mental health issues of her own, that she'd never address, because "she is never wrong", I am finding that I do not know how to handle my emotions in a way that is not self-destructive, and I do not known what is appropriate for sharing emotions. I fear making others uncomfortable, or drawing close to mother-figures in an attempt to meet an unmet need, selfishly. Is that okay to say here? I don't know where to start.

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rdpca1's picture
[41010]
Sep 14

I forgave my mother because it was her illness not her also for.me.becasue I couldn't imagine living with the guilt of what she did and I didn't want to feel responsible for her having that guilt

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[70]
Sep 14

Do you still yearn for the physical presence of a mother? I fight a constant void from lack of physical contact. A hug or something. I don't recall being nurtured. Unfortunately, I don't know how to self-soothe, so I try to avoid emotions and push them down. If I get overwhelmed with emotions I hurt myself. I can't find another way to release the intense pressure. I feel like being house hugged by someone who makes me feel safe would help me calm down, but I can't seem to talk when I need to. I don't feel like I have that relationship with someone either.

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rdpca1's picture
[41010]
Sep 14

@ThisIsIt28 I don't think I would have done this without Psychiatrist telling me I should never see or talk to my mother again. It was just getting to be too much pain flashback trigger I think something about abandonment abuse from parent or mother causes this void this aloneness. I should explain from above comment. I forgave her wrote her a letter when I was 20 or so. Sort of normal relationship if possible to imagine then she did the unforgivable. I can't talk about it. Triggered everything all past memories I had repressed overwhelming

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