I am feeling trapped in my situation and I am at a loss for

I am feeling trapped in my situation and I am at a loss for what to do. So I'm 31 years old and 6 years ago, I decided to move out of town to attend college. I was previously living with my mother and she planned to also move, but get her own place. Ultimately she ended up moving in with me at the home I own. About four years ago she began having health issues that have gotten progressively worse (COPD, IBS-C and Rheumatoid Arthritis). I have been taking care of her as best as I can but the stress has been getting to me. Back in 2012 I saw a counselor who told me our relationship was co-dependent. But now, I think it has become emotionally abusive and toxic. My mother is very controlling over what I do, and I am really afraid of any kind of confrontation so I go along with everything. For instance, she wants me to be in the room with her all the time. She gets upset if I go in the other room to talk on the phone, and if I play video games she insists I do it in the living room with her despite the TV being up so loud. I have a girlfriend now who is encouraging me to stand up for myself and she believes I need to cut my mom out of my life. But I don't know how I can even do that. I am her primary caretaker. My older sister has a child and a disabled husband and she doesn't have much time to assist. When I tried talking to her about options for other care she said she wasn't comfortable talking about it. When my mom found out, she forbid me from talking about her. Not just to my sister but to anyone. I continue to talk to my girlfriend and I did talk to a counselor via phone, but I was in earshot of my mom and felt I couldn't be completely honest about how bad the situation has gotten. The guilt tripping is constant. She says I care about the cat more than her. She says she wants to go to sleep and never wake up. She accuses me of elder abuse, because we have verbal arguments so often. She starts these arguments 9/10 times. There is so much going on that I can't even go into all of it here, but it amounts to the stress I am under, my already precarious mental health and just feeling lost. I feel like If I kick her out or otherwise take her out of my life, my other family won't understand. They don't know what really goes on behind closed doors and I don't feel like I can tell them. It's not as if my mother is physically abusing me, so I should be able to just do what I want without fear. It's not like I'm not physically safe. But mentally I am so beat down and I feel like I deserve it all. Like I am just supposed to take it because it's my responsibility. I just don't know where to turn or what to do. My counselor wasn't that helpful but considering the situation it's no wonder. My girlfriend's friends are seeing the stress in her now and I don't want to keep talking to her about it and making her life more stressful. The truth is I don't have anyone I feel I can talk to about this and I have no idea what to do. I just want to be happy and be able to go to a movie when I want or go to bed when I want to. I feel I can't do any of these things because I will either be screamed at or iced out. I have let this go on for so long that I can't help but feel I deserve it because I let it happen. Now I am just drowning and completely lost.

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(30)
Jul 20

@CKBlossom I own the house, how can I leave?

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(30)
Jul 21

I do feel better a bit just from posting here. I am trying to take steps to assert myself more as I feel that me leaving or throwing her out isn't an option. I already told her weeks ago I am going to Nashville for a few days and she can't do anything to stop me. Next time I want to play video games, I am going to tell her that I'm going to my room and I'm still available if she needs me, but I am an adult and I am allowed to play games in my room in MY house. She'll probably continue to try to guilt trip me but I have to be strong and ignore it.

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(4380)
Jul 21

@alienprince13 Have you tried kicking her out and file a restraining order against her, or at least call the cops?

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